So after 4 years of college I've finally graduated...and with that came a whole shit load of confusion...do I live here or do I move?? do I get over my fear of change or do I stay and not change for a while...then comes the confusion of men...I have loved someone for years now and then it all changed...I wish I could take some things back but I can't...and I'm sorry for that...I wish things were different between us and he still loved me too.. but of course you can't change anyone...its been about 5 years since I started talking to him and dating him on and off...I hope it doesn't take 5 years to let go and move on...it hurts to watch someone you love love someone else...and it's apparent I'm getting that double time...I really do think leaving is my best option...I was told last summer there has been only 2 times that I've actually looked happy...unfortunately both those times it was because of a guy...I also apparently let people hurt me and I don't know how to be happy...so that leaves me with nothing...I got completely hammered over the weekend and I noticed that I like being that way...when I'm drunk I only look at the now, I don't look at the past or future...which I need...I can't seem to forgive and forget and those grudges are holding me back...
