Explain to me why I have to spill coffee on myself only when I wear white or have on a nice tie? Now, you may all wonder why I would bring up this odd comment, but every morning, I come into work, get my cup of coffee, and start work. At least once a week, I will spill on myself. Almost always I'm wearing white. I have two theories on this:
1. There is a conspiracy in the cafeteria to produce/purchasefaulty cups that will cause the consumer to spill all over themselves in order to increase sales of more coffee.
2. A subconscious action designed to stimulate my brain in order to complete a resulting action.
First, the theory of the cafeteria is a strong one. If you've ever eaten in our cafeteria, you'll know what I'm talking about when I mention the money grubbing bastards do everything in their power to suck every dime they can out of you and the company. The food is WAY over priced, tastes like crap, and at times has an odd color or smell to it. The hired help is useless, under-educated, underpaid, and at times, downright lazy! Considering these two factors of the contracted company, I would not put it past them to come up with one more way to increase profits by sabotaging the coffee cups in order to cause customers to spill; in turn requiring the unsuspecting patron to need more coffee. Note also the trays and takeout boxes that are not of the highest quality as well. This is also a joint action with the drug store, which happens to sell Tide sticks at outrageous prices so people like me can at least make an attempt to look respectable.
The second theory makes a bit of sense. I do seem to spill on myself on mornings when I am most tired or have clothes to drop off at the dry cleaners. Scalding hot liquid splashed or spilled across one's shirt is a great way to awaken the senses in order to produce a more productive day. I'm usually not too tired after the resulting stain sets in and my nerve endings are screaming in agony at the feel of the burning liquid. The other factor is my forgetfulness of simple tasks such as dry cleaning. I can remember the smallest detail of a conversation, attributes of a person I meet, and foreign languages, but I can't remember to take my dry cleaning in? So I decided that the brain, in all its gray wisdom has come up with a way to remind me, no matter how painful it might be.
There is a third theory, but I discredit it immediately... I'm a klutz. Since that is not possible or even fathomable, we won't even consider it.
You might ask why I would write about this? I spilled coffee on myself twice before 8am today. Which required me to get more coffee and a tide stick from the drug store. This also seems to happen on days when I have a big meeting or presentation. Coffee and I have a love/hate relationship.
In closing, I have determined in my own mind that this is a conspiracy implemented and run by the Cafeteria, Drug store, Dry Cleaners, and Coffee cup manufacturers of Maryland. I say ban them all. Gotta go... Running down to the cafeteria, I need some more coffee.
Until next time...
