WORRY
Is there a magic cutoff period when
offspring become accountable for their own
actions? Is there a wonderful moment when
parents can become detached spectators in
the lives of their children and shrug, "It's
their life," and feel nothing?
When I was in my twenties, I stood in a hospital
corridor waiting for doctors to put a few
stitches in my son's head. I asked, "When do
you stop worrying?" The nurse said,
"When they get out of the accident stage." My
mother just smiled faintly and said nothing.
When I was in my thirties, I sat on a little
chair in a classroom and heard how one of my
children talked incessantly, disrupted the class,
and was headed for a career making
license plates. As if to read my mind , a teacher
said, "Don't worry, they all go through
this stage and then you can sit back, relax and
enjoy them." My mother just smiled
faintly and said nothing.
When I was in my forties, I spent a lifetime
waiting for the phone to ring, the cars to come
home, the front door to open. A friend said,
"They're trying to find themselves. Don't worry,
in a few years, you can stop worrying. They'll be
adults." My mother just smiled faintly
and said nothing.
By the time I was 50, I was sick & tired of being
vulnerable. I was still worrying over my
children, but there was a new wrinkle. There
was nothing I could do about it. My
mother just smiled faintly and said nothing. I
continued to anguish over their failures, be
tormented by their frustrations and absorbed in
their disappointments.
My friends said that when my kids got married I
could stop worrying and lead my own
life. I wanted to believe that, but I was
haunted by my mother's warm smile and her
occasional, "You look pale. Are you a all right?
Call me the minute you get home. Are
you depressed about something?"
Can it be that parents are sentenced to a
lifetime of worry? Is concern for one another
handed down like a torch to blaze the trail of
human frailties and the fears of the
unknown? Is concern a curse or is it a virtue
that elevates us to the highest form of life?
One of my children became quite irritable
recently, saying to me, "Where were you? I've
been calling for 3 days, and no one answered I was worried."
I smiled a warm smile.
The torch has been passed.
PASS IT ON TO OTHER WONDERFUL PARENTS
(and also to your children. That's the fun part)
