On 3/6/07 I was hit hard with reality. My world cam crashing down and I knew I had a long road ahead of me to rebuild. As I lay crying Barry smiled. He knew that what I was going through at that moment was a life changing event. And it was! I was suddenly able to see all the things I refused to see in the past. I was able to recognize things in myself that I ignored for so long, and that night I vowed to let the changes take me to a new and better place.
After my sobs subsided Barry asked me how I felt. I told him that I had no emotions to myself at that moment. His respond was "That's enlightenment." I lay there for a long while, feeling high and gitty, allowing all the stimulus around me fill me with sensations. The moonlight through the cracks of the shade, the cool sheets on my skin, the tears drying on my face (and how they itched ever so slightly), the sound of Barry's breathing beside me. All these things filled me in a way that is inexplainable.
It's taken me a long time to create this change in myself, and I know I am far from being complete. The greatest thing about changing yourself and improving yourself is that you are never done. I am not saying that I am not happy with who I am, I am simply saying I can alwasy strive to be a better person for myself. The moment of this will live with me forever. I even created a new tattoo to remember the day my life changed so much. When I get a picture of the tattoo I will dedicate a page to it and all the meaning behind it.
My note to those who read this. Never stop believing in your own potential to be the best you can be. Reach for your dreams and never stop dreaming.
