Yankee Bitch's blog: "Whats new with me!!"

Wow! I just realized that it seems like forever since my last post. I cant believe it has been so long. But anyhow! I am here now, and trust me I have enough going through my mind that I guarantee you will probably be reading for a little while, anyways! LOL

Before I go any further, I would love to thank the people that have been by my side through every single thing this past year. You guys have been my rocks, and I dont know what I would have done without ya. You have been there for me when I thought I had hit rock bottom. You have kept me completely sane, and you have even let me rant and rave when I needed to. I wont go into naming names, because I would feel horrible if I left anyone out due to late hour that I am blogging. But if you are reading this, and we have had some awesome times together in the past year, then I am most definitely talking to you. I also want to thank some of my distant friends that have been very concerned and comforting over this past year. You guys have been there in some very trying times, and for this I am forever grateful. I love you all and very blessed to have you all in my life!

Now with that said, I feel as though I have done quite a bit of growing into the person I am evidentally supposed to become. We all go through changes over the years, whether or not they are good or bad is completely up to us. I would like to consider all the changes that I have went through this past year to be good. I am completely over negativity. It doesnt do anyone any good, so what is the point in dwelling on it? I choose to learn from it and make the best of the situation. I have also felt as though I have found my backbone a lot more than what it was before.

I have learned that I have very little family that is by my side no matter what. They have accepted me for who and what I truly am, and havent tried to change me into something that I am not. And for those who do not know and have been asking questions, I have disowned my mother. I will not hide anything from anyone. I have nothing to hide. I am who I am, and I will not try to be something that I am not. I wont go into great detail as to why I will no longer have a mother, but I will say this much. My children will always feel wanted and loved no matter what is going on in my life. I will never make them feel unwanted in my family or my home. I will accept every aspect of their life whether I agree with it or not. And further more, I am never going to try to be something I am not.

Most of you know that I lost my father a year ago, March 7th 2010. He was the greatest dad anyone could ask for. I miss him terribly and have been having the worst time dealing with his loss. I dont care what anyone else says, losing a parent is the worst feeling I have ever had to experience in my life. It has left the biggest feeling of emptiness in my soul. I also hate when people are constantly telling me that it will get easier as time goes on. It hasnt gotten any easier in the least. As a matter of fact, its such a touchy subject people stir clear of talking about it. I am trying to deal with it on my own, but I am having issues. Certain songs cant be listened to without hurting, certain smells or sounds have the same effect. But in all honesty, I think the thing that I am having the worst issue with right now, is the simple fact that I cant talk to my own children about it, because I havent came to terms with it. My poor daughter is having the worst time with it. I guess I never realized how much she missed him until the other day. I am hoping that one of these days me and my daughter can sit down and discuss what a wonderful man he was, but until then we are just going to have to deal. I am sure that probably sounded harsh, but its the truth. I am not going to try and force anything.

Now as for me....I feel as though I have done quite a bit of changing these past few months. I am starting to come out of my shell even more. I will admit that I have been somewhat shy about what I am thinking or feeling. And I have also found that it hasnt gotten me anywhere. I still feel as though I am still being a doormat in some aspects of my life and that is about to change. I am going to stop holding things back and I am going to say just what exactly is on my mind. If I hurt your feelings, well I am sorry but this is the new me...If you dont like it, well I guess you know where the door is.

Im going to start doing a lot more for me and my kids. Its all about us, and no one else. I know I may have done a few things in my time that werent exactly what I should have done at the time. But I am out to make things right again. There was a time in my life when I answered to no one and me and the kids had the best time of our lives. I think it is high time that we go back to that time and make it our new permanent lifestyle change.

With that said, I guess I should feel you in on how they are doing. Warren is doing good. I think we maybe have just a slight attitude and temper problem, but I think that is just something that goes with his age. He is really starting to come into his own person. I love that he is outspoken and he isnt afraid to tell you exactly how it is. I think he got a little bit of mine and David's temper combined with our attitudes....LOOK OUT WORLD!!! LOL Andrew has been giving me a little bit of difficulty at school. I am not sure what I am going to do with him, but I have a few ideas that I think will work. Time will tell, we can only hope!! But all in all, Andrew is starting to come into his own, and honestly I couldnt be more proud! Abby is something else. She is starting to come out of the shyness she had. She is constantly doing something goofy or off the wall. Like tonight she wigged me and her dad out!! She was doing a back bend and the next thing we knew she came walking from behind the couch in this backbend....It was just like from the exorcist! It was hilarious! She is doing really well in school also. Jamie is becoming my Miss Attitude and Mother Hen. She is constantly cleaning her room and has a cow when the others dirty it. She is also always trying to keep the others in line. She is so anixous to start school, and I have no doubt that she will do great.

As they get older, I find myself sitting back and observing them more and more. I could sit and watch them for hours. They just never seize to amaze me. The way they talk to others, and the way they are goofy at times. They are just absolutely amazing!

Well its beyond late and I have yet to get to sleep. This has been the update on me and the chillens! I hope you have enjoyed! I will try to write again soon!

Lots of love,
Lizzy oxxo