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The Raw Brutality
Today I realized I had a soul-
Truth be told…I never knew that I possessed one.
Today I saw myself for the first time and I was stunned
at the monstrous reflection that stood before me.
When did I dissolve? When did I devolve into a speck of ash and dirt?
When and how was my blood drained?
When did I become a vampire?
A beast
A nocturnal fiend petrified of the sunlight?
When did my dreams expire?
When did I lose my humanity?
I had somehow shed my skin. I had somehow shed my smile
and traded teeth for fangs-
A reptile with vile venom in its hiss
-the kiss of death within its bite-
There were warnings…however mornings dressed up as nights.
I was dark, for I chose to burn my eyes and live inside my ignorance.
A prince at first-
yet a vagabond at second glance.
A dance on shards of broken glass-
A loaded gun fired at last.
There was no lighthouse, just a blackout all around and my ship was sinking fast.
Sometimes it takes tragedy to fully comprehend the core of life.
Sometimes pain must be embellished to give us the strength to carry on.
But we must not lose sight of ourselves, nor ignore the cries for help.
We must embrace true love, no matter how deformed it is.
This is the meaning of mortality, for only in its wings we will find eternity.
And as absurd as it may sound…this is the raw brutality.
3/30/2010 Copyright ©2010 AEspinosa
Seasons
The seasons may die and live again. Nevertheless…you will always be my girl.
The world may revolve and evolve: catapult and combust into dust.
Regardless, love…you will always be my girl.
My thoughts may clash and words may crash and ash to ash our forms shall fall.
Despite of all…you will always be my girl.
The autumn leaves may leave and strip our shame like naked trees,
the seas may freeze
and thaw again, as waves increase in a tidal-like momentum.
It matters not-
you will always be my girl.
Your face may change as years progress, your youth erased, replaced by lines that run quite deep-
Our time may weep, our bodies torn by gravity.
Our lips the same: our love ordained to stand the kiss of life and never desiccate.
Our hearts one beat...until we cease.
Until our flame flickers dyingly
Until the end
you will always be my girl.
2/2/2010
One day the leaves shall fall upon our eloquence
and they shall fracture every bone our souls contain.
~The beauty melts away~
I guess we can’t retract the cracks that cover our canvas.
The paint itself has dried. Stillborn are the facts, like burnt out artifacts.
Is there a light somewhere?
Despair…the air’s so stifling. Silhouette-so velvet like:
...the night slowly seeps inside...
Our minds, one spiral with no end: the moon consumes itself
while I convert to ash and dirt...and where the fuck are you?
-I’ve lost you yet again-
The wind has whispered into me and as I scatter I disperse my final verse:
this earth...
this universe...
was never meant for you and I
…Our birth has yet to be.
12/22/09
Fast Forward
A hole in one…the petals are wilting. A breeze arrives and it suddenly freezes. Snakes of Christ, the venom is flowing. My veins collapse and everything glows in a shade of blue.
I bite on your lips, the sugary sweet taste of your pain…I can taste all your screams in a lightning-like kiss.
I’m watching the clouds rush on by…fast forwarding past the grayest sky. I see you in a vision now...like an apparition gone awry...then back in its course and into my life.
I take a deep breath and feel the electricity surge around my seams. Can’t help but think that I’m fading away here…no tears to be cried for the ducts have all dried and I’m stuck inside this question mark. The leaves have departed from the trees, the seeds are all hollow, the stillness is shallow and this silence speaks volumes…my faithful companion.
The years they fade in and then fade out…the lines on my face much deeper now-
and the friends that I had are nowhere to be found because everyone changes and hardly anyone remains intact.
It’s time to move on now…there’s no looking back. The cracks irreparable…the sins unforgettable…I shrug it all off and onward I go…let’s turn to the next chapter now:
I look forward to watching my love evolve and creating a life out of two souls...look forward to watching old friends dissolve and watch as new friendships bloom and grow.
Because everything changes-
and
hardly a thing remains intact.
11.3.09
Copyright ©2009
