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Canes, WAG turns and luscious manhair – that was weird
The Brownlow red carpet is a blood sport played at the speed of a bowls game, and experience is the thing that separates the red carpet posers and pretenders from the star WAGs.
A star WAG knows:
Not to arrive too early, or too late. Arrive in the middle of the event, when the big names are there.
Make sure your man is a step ahead of you. The risk of clumsy feet ripping a trail of silk needs to be carefully managed.
Execute the WAG turn – back to camera, neck turned. Power pose.
Have a story. A local designer, perhaps. Or a dress that had to be applied to your skin by soldering iron.
On all fronts, Queen WAG Rebecca Judd led from the front. But this was her 11th and possibly final Brownlow, leaving a leadership vacuum. Who will fill it? My colleague Ebony Bowden suggests it could be Ruby Keddy, partner of Callan Ward:
Image: pink bridesmaid dresses
But perhaps it's time to stop for a moment and objectify the menfolk.
Pity poor Nat Fyfe. Crippled by a sharp kick to the shins, he hobbled across the red carpet, cane in hand.
"It was this or a moon boot," he explained, apologetic, telling the host broadcaster that he "felt like a bit of a goose". On social media the Willy Wonka jokes flowed like his blond locks in the Perth breeze.
And speaking of that hair. What a flowing mane it was, starting small, then curling out, before rushing to fall from nape to shoulder like a tumbling Niagara Falls.
Best hair? He had some stiff competition from Callan Ward, who appeared to have taken his entire haircut and pushed it back, a reverse rainbow emanating from his scalp thanks to a generous helping from the gel pot.
Perhaps this year's dominant man-trend, if we can call it that, was the emergence of the pocket-square. Spotted or black, hidden or on flamboyant display, the boys let their pockets do the talking.
Gary Ablett was a particular exponent this year. And a total professional, working the media arrayed along the carpet's length like a politician works a rope line. He told jokes, posed for selfies, and was universally beloved.
Among the professionals though, you have to pay homage to Dane Swan. It is a bold man who can match pocket square to nose ring to WAG.
The other thing that is striking about a footballer, close up, is their size. Aaron Sandilands, predictably, towers. I said to him "you're really tall", and immediately felt bad about it because he knows that and I'm sure everyone says it to him all the time.
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