A GOOD PUN IS ITS OWN REWORD
ENERGIZER BUNNY ARRESTED. CHARGED WITH BATTERY.
A MAN'S HOME IS HIS CASTLE. IN A MANOR OF SPEAKING.
A PESSIMIST'S BLOOD TYPE IS ALWAYS B-NEGATIVE.
MY WIFE REALLY LIKES TO MAKE POTTERY, BUT TO ME IT'S JUST KILN TIME.
A FREUDIAN SLIP IS WHEN YOU SAY ONE THING BUT MEAN YOUR MOTHER.
SHOTGUN WEDDING: A CASE OF WIFE OR DEATH.
I USED TO WORK IN A BLANKET FACTORY, BUT IT FOLDED UP.
A MAN NEEDS A MISTRESS JUST TO BREAK THE MONOGAMY.
A HANGOVER IS THE WRATH OF GRAPES.
IS A BOOK ON VOYEURISM A PEEPING TOME?
DANCING CHEEK-TO-CHEEK IS REALLY A FORM OF FLOORPLAY.
BANNING THE BRA WAS A BIG FLOP.
SEA CAPTAINS DON'T LIKE CREW CUTS.
A SUCCESSFUL DIET IS THE TRIUMPH OF MIND OVER PLATTER.
A GOSSIP IS SOMEONE WITH A GREAT SENSE OF RUMOR.
WITHOUT GEOMETRY, LIFE IS POINTLESS.
WHEN YOU DREAM IN COLOR, IT'S A PIGMENT OF YOUR IMAGINATION.
CONDOMS SHOULD BE USED ON EVERY CONCEIVABLE OCCASION.
READING WHILST SUNBATHING MAKES YOU WELL-RED.
WHEN TWO EGOTISTS MEET, IT'S AN I FOR AN I.
* I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
* Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
* Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
He's all right now.
* The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
* To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
* When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
* A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
* A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement.
He became a hardened criminal.
* Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
* We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
* When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.
* The math professor went crazy with the blackboard.
He did a number on it.
* The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes
was on shaky ground.
* The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
* If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
* A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
* A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
* The optometrist fell into his lens grinder and made a spectacle of
himself. [That's a story that lens itself.]
* Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
* A backward poet writes inverse.
* In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your
Count that votes.
* A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
* With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
* Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you
A -flat miner.
* When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
* The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
* A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in
Linoleum Blownapart.
* You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
* He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
* A boiled egg is hard to beat.
* He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
* His parents thought he was a budding genius, but he turned out to
be a blooming idiot.
* A plateau is a high form of flattery.
* Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
* When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.>
* When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
* Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
* Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
* Acupuncture: a jab well done
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