luvible1's blog: "luvible1s Blog"

Country Bitches vs. City Bitches A city bitch will take you where you need to go. *A country bitch throws you her keys and says, "It needs gas in it!" A city bitch will tell you not to fight, it aint worth it. *A country bitch will say "beat her ass" and look at the crowd and say "better nobody jump in." A city bitch will let another bitch know she can back the f*** up or get knocked the f*** out. *A country bitch will just knock her out!!! A city bitch tells you, she's had enough to drink. *A country bitch tells you "We need another shot, we bout to get f-ed up!" A city bitch goes to the club with you and sits down. *A country bitch goes to the club with you and says, "Lets show these city bitches how we do it." A city bitch wonders who your new man is. *A country bitch knows his first name, last name , his birthday, where he lives, who he's related to, what kinda car he drives, where he works, how many babies mama's he has, and how many bitches he is talking to right now!!! A city bitch thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument. *A country bitch lets you know "that was f***ed up, but I still love you ." A city bitch expects you to always be there for them. *A country bitch knows you will always be there for them, they don't have to expect shit. A city bitch reads this e-mail, realizes that she is a city bitch and then deletes it. *A country bitch passes this to her country bitches without thinking about it. Pass this to all your country bitches......if you don't get it back that's because you sent it to a city bitch...XOXO Bitches :)

A 2nd grader asked her mother the age-old question…. “How did I get here?” Her mother told her, “God sent you.” “Did God send you, too?” asked the child. “Yes, Dear,” the mother replied. “What about Grandma and Grandpa?” the child persisted. “He sent them also” the mother said. “Did he send their parents, too?” asked the child. “Yes, Dear, He did,” said the mother patiently. “So you’re telling me that there has been NO sex in this family for 200 years? No wonder everyone’s so damn grouchy around here

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a blonde went in to try out for the job. "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "what is 1 and 1?" "Eleven," she replied. The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but she's right." "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?" "Today and tomorrow." He was again surprised that the blonde supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. "Now, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?" The blonde looked a little surprised herself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know." "Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?" So, the blonde wandered over to the beauty parlor, where her pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. The blonde was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot >>girl in his office... But she was dating someone else. > >One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, "I'll >Give you a $100 if you let me have sex with you..." > >The girl looked at him, and then said, "NO!" > >Eddie said, > >I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, >And 'll finish by the time you've picked it up." > >She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her >>boyfriend... so she called him and explained the situation. > >Her boyfriend says, > >"Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast. He won't even be >able to get his pants down." >She agreed and accepts the proposal. > >Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still! waitin g for his >girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and >asks > >what happened...? Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, "The >bastard had all quarters!" > >Management lesson: Always consider a business proposition in it's >Entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed.

from a Friend I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Harold, the computer guy, to come over. Harold clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?" He replied, "It was an ID ten T error." I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An ID ten T error? What's that, in case I need to fix it again?" Harold grinned. "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?" "No," I replied. "Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out." So I wrote down I D 1 0 T. I used to like Harold.

A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day, while taking a stroll, she came upon a gentleman neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes. The woman asked the gentlemen, "What do you do to get your tomatoes so red?" The gentlemen responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden naked in my trench coat and flash. My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much." Well, the woman was so impressed; she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work. So twice a day for two weeks she flashed her garden hoping for the best. One day the gentleman was passing by and asked the woman, "By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?" No", she replied, "but my cucumbers are enormous."

The next time you see a little old lady with shaky >> hands, you'll remember this lady. A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of a sex shop. >> Obviously very unstable on her feet, she wobbles the few feet across the store to the counter. Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, stuttering she asks the sales clerk "Dddooo youuuu hhhave dddddiilllldosss?" The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies "Yes we do have dildos. Actually we carry many different models." The old woman then asks "Dddddoooo yyyouuuu ccaarrryy aaa pppinkk onnee, tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt ttwoo inchesss ththiickk...aaand rrunns by bbaatteries?" The clerk responds, "Yes we do." She asks, "Ddddooo yyoooouuuu kknnnoooww hhhowww tttooo ttturrrnnn ttthe ssunoooffabbitch offffff?"

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. 2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house. 3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine. 4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It! 5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.) 6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. 7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. 8. Whatever: Is a women's way of saying Dont Go There or Else! 9. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.

----- MY FIRST TIME.... It was my first time ever And I'll never forget I'd do it again Without a single regret. The sky was dark The moon was high We were all alone Just She and I. Her hair was soft Her eyes were blue I knew just what She wanted to do. Her skin so soft Her legs so fine I ran my fingers Down her spine. I didn't know how But I tried my best I started by placing My hands on her breast. I remember my fear My fast beating heart But slowly she spread Her legs apart. And when I did it I felt no shame All at once The white stuff came. At last it's finished It's all over now My first time ever At milking a cow... Gotcha~

The doctors visit A young Native American woman went to a doctor for her first ever Physical exam. After checking all of her vitals and running the usual tests, the doctor Said, "Well, Running Doe, you are in fine health. I could find no problems. I did notice one abnormality however." "Oh, what is that, Doctor?" "Well, you have no nipples." "None of the people in my tribe have nipples," she replied. "That is amazing," said the doctor. "I'd like to write this up for The South Dakota Journal of Medicine if you don't mind. She said, "OK." "First of all" asked the doctor, "how many people are in your tribe?" She answered, "Approximately 500." "And what is the name of your tribe?" Asked the doctor. Running Doe replied, "We're called ..... ; "The Indiannippleless Five Hundred"