I got pregnant with Rob's baby several months before I joined CT. I didn't know until I started hemmoraging and was warned that I could lose it if I didn't take it easy. I had never felt so torn before about having a child and I was confused about it. I wanted it yet at the same time, I didn't want it. I thought of the complications it would bring having a married man's child. I knew he wanted to get me pregnant and had been begging me for years to have his child. A couple of months prior to getting pregnant, he had asked me again and I said no. He asked me if I thought he wouldn't be there for me. I know he would have been... from a distance. Not what I wanted. It was all or nothing. He asked me if I thought he wouldn't provide for that child. I don't know if he would have or not but I thought, I don't need his help or support if I did get pregnant with his child. Well, I did get pregnant.
I, as I stated, felt so confused. I mean, hey, he is married and he is too scared of his wife. LOL, not that I blame him. She is scary. Well, some of my friends know this, but I was further along than I thought I was. I was beginning to show. I never felt so scared. I didn't take it easy like I was told to and the hemmoraging got worse. I ended up losing it. I never did tell Rob. I mean... why should I? I never had any intentions of telling him. I was going to just disappear once I had it. I really didn't need his help nor did I want his help. Oh well, I lost it anyway. Those of you who've lost a child know what happens. I knew that there was a danger to begin with so I guess it was better that I lost it.
I was slightly relieved yet upset at the same time. More upset though. I lost it on a man who pissed me off. Not Rob. One of my friends came rushing over and we had a heart to heart about it. She understood and told me to take it easy. Instead, I drowned myself in work. About a couple of weeks later I joined CT. That was at the time a pick me up and I met a wonderful man on here although I never wanted to tell him or admit to anything so I kept it quiet... until now. My closest friend did know. I have no doubt that I will always think of the son I lost and the anniversary will always play in my mind. I just needed to get it out. It was eatting at me.
I gave him the option of letting me go. The man I met on here, I mean. I would more than understand if he did.
