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I feel like screaming or crying not that either would be mature or helpful. I have barely slept in weeks and its finally taking a toll on me. I keep getting told i'm being bitchy or moody. Maybe I am just overreacting and need to suck it up and deal with it. I am not looking for sympathy and not even expecting anyone to care. I guess I am just not doing my normal reaction to things and bottling it away. For once I have tried venting to people and mostly those that claimed to want to listen; turned around and said I am just moody. I don't hold things back. I say what I am thinking.
I've just been taking care of my aunt that is dying. She doesn't sleep through the night so I have to stay up with her, then crash for maybe an hour or two and take care of everything else. I hate watching someone I care about wilt away like a flower. She's has taking a turn for the worse over the last 2 weeks. The worst part is she knows it is just a matter of time and reminds me constantly. As much as I don't want her to pass away; deep down inside I know it will be the best for her. She will no longer suffer.
On top of it all, my cousin came to visit for the holidays. Tried rushing in and acting like a hero, claiming to want to help with his mother. He told me he was going to help me last night and never showed up. This is his last Christmas with his mother; how can he be so selfish? He showed up for dinner 4 hours late tonight. You would think he would want to spend time with her. Yes, of course its difficult seeing her like this but come off your high horse and show some damn respect. Even if he didn't want to help with her care last night he could have still been there to at least spend time with her.
I guess I just needed to vent tonight.
