I dont really understand the feelings that are flying through my head and my heart. I watch a sappy love movie and I bawl my eyes out. I watch a horror movie and again if there is the slightist bit of romance and I am crying out my soul to it. I guess maybe because I am getting fearful that I am never gonna find love. is it so bad to want love? I dont think so. anyways I am still fighting with these feelings and anyone who talks to me can see that. its like there is this hole and I dont know how to fill it. I spend all the time in the world that I can with my daughter and though she is THE most important person in my life she can not fill the hole where a lover, friend, and confidant is meant to be. I can not wait until I am loved, truly loved, for who I am and I am able to love the same way.
other then that I am doing great. I am spending lots of time with my family and I am watching my daughter grow everyday. she is becoming so beautiful and so mature at such a young age. she loves to read and to color and to play momma to her babies. it is amazing to watch her learn and become a tiny adult and not a baby anymore.
I am still dealing with my ex and his tormenting me. he still follows and the police wont do anything about it. they say that until he hurts me or threatens me they can not stop him from "being in the same place as you if it is a public place." I am getting very sick of it but I guess it is just his way of still controlling me, I will never admit to him that it scares me to death and that it gives me nightmares.
not sure what else to say here. tomorrow I am gonna spend the day with my baby and be a momma, THE BEST JOB EVER!!!
