Wondering Soul's blog: "Kitten Digs Her Claws"

I cant believe it has been ten years since our little town of Springfield had the worst day of our lives. we lost family and friends on May 21, 1998. My heart broke cause I lost an amazing friend and more friends were hurt. The nightmares are still etched in my head and even after ten years it is like the wounds are brand new. I guess some wounds dont ever go away and having your friend die twenty minutes after talking to him on the phone is one of the worst ones I have. I can still hear his voice in my dremas sayin "Luv ya Baby Girl see ya at school. be careful I have a bad feeling today." then we laughed that he always had bad feelings and we hung up. I am going to go to the memorial on WED. and just say goodbye again. and bring Mike his favorite flower. a carnation. dont take a single day fro granted. one minute you could be talking on the phone next you are walking with your Ancestors in the Astral plains. HUGS

I dont really understand the feelings that are flying through my head and my heart. I watch a sappy love movie and I bawl my eyes out. I watch a horror movie and again if there is the slightist bit of romance and I am crying out my soul to it. I guess maybe because I am getting fearful that I am never gonna find love. is it so bad to want love? I dont think so. anyways I am still fighting with these feelings and anyone who talks to me can see that. its like there is this hole and I dont know how to fill it. I spend all the time in the world that I can with my daughter and though she is THE most important person in my life she can not fill the hole where a lover, friend, and confidant is meant to be. I can not wait until I am loved, truly loved, for who I am and I am able to love the same way. other then that I am doing great. I am spending lots of time with my family and I am watching my daughter grow everyday. she is becoming so beautiful and so mature at such a young age. she loves to read and to color and to play momma to her babies. it is amazing to watch her learn and become a tiny adult and not a baby anymore. I am still dealing with my ex and his tormenting me. he still follows and the police wont do anything about it. they say that until he hurts me or threatens me they can not stop him from "being in the same place as you if it is a public place." I am getting very sick of it but I guess it is just his way of still controlling me, I will never admit to him that it scares me to death and that it gives me nightmares. not sure what else to say here. tomorrow I am gonna spend the day with my baby and be a momma, THE BEST JOB EVER!!!

http://s10.bitefight.org/c.php?uid=61745 I am playing this online game where I am a vamp and need to bite people. so if ya wouldnt mind can I bite ya hehe. HUGS kitten

so anyways as you all read my internet is off for a few days. I am still going crazy living where I am living but I will live eventually lol. mom and I are thinking about getting a place of our own as soon as she gets a new job so I am hoping that within the next six months we will be out of hell. anyways I miss ya all and I cant wait to be on again. HUGS kitten

I finally have my one of my best friends coming home from Germany and I cant wait to get a big BFF hug from her. I need her so bad she has been my rock for three years helping me through so much. I owe her tons. I met a great guy on here that I hope to one day be able to serve. he is smart and funny and caring. and he is willing to take on Bree and for that I will always care for him. I cant wait for the time ahead where I can get to know him more and more. I dont care what happens, if anything, I know I have a good friend in him. I am getting a lot of my friends to join too so that is nice. and I am making new ones. I cant wait to make even more. HUGS kitten

I am going down the road to moving on for good. I want Bree and I to have a real life. I am spending as much time as humanly passable with her. she is getting so big and so smart. she sure does have a personality of her own. she is the center of my world. my next step is to be able to get a place just to me and Bree. a place all our own with our own rules and our own way of life. then I am gonna try to find a good man that will love both of us. one that will accept us as we are, broken but still working LOL. HUGS ALL kitten

I dont know what is wrong with me lately. I used to be such a confident and independant woman but lately I have been so un sure of myself clinging to my friends, both on and off line. I have been feeling like I have nothing but my daughter. I dont have many friends, dont get me wrong the friends I have are amazing and I would not trade them for the world, I just have very few that I would call friends. and to be honest I have no real social life other then D and M and A. and yes those are the first letters of my two friends. I know I am just feeling sorry for myself but I think that it stems down to me missing being in a relationship. I miss being held. I miss the constant companion in my life. the connection having someone in my life brings. I know it is stupid to feel like you need someone but everyone needs someone right? I can seem to meet anyone local. the only men I have "met" that I like are online and live in states far away. and even then you can not trust that they are for real. they could be ninety year old me or be ax murderers. I wish I could just find a nice simple man who likes quiet nights in and a few wild ones out. someone who lives to cuddle and be near the one he loves. one that will take my daughter into his heart, lord knows she is not in her fathers, and a man who will provide the best he can. I just want a family not just for me but for my daughter. a family that is better then the one we have now. dont mind my rambling I guess I am just feeling down and lonely. I will cope I guess LOL. HUGS kitten

ok so I was bored and thought I would see how the blogs on here worked. anywho ttyl. Oh and if you read this and you have a blog idea for me let me know and I will see if I can write about it. kitten