A LITTLE SOMETHING TO HELP YOU WITH YOUR CHRISTMAS SHOPPING!
Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women.
Follow these rules and you should have no problems.
Rule #1: When in doubt, buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if
he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain.
As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.
Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the
word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words, "Hey
George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. Bye-the-way, are you through with
your 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.
Rule #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A
99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from
his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.
Rule #4: Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men
bathrobes. If God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have
invented jockey shorts.
Rule #5: You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have
worn out. If you have a lot of money, buy your man a big-screen TV with
the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and
flips, and flips.
Rule #6: Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will
sit in a cupboard for 23 years. Real men drink whiskey or beer.
Rule #7: Do not buy a married man aftershave or deodorant. Men do not
stink, they are earthy. These gifts are OK for single men. But remember
that for them this is just a means to an end, like a cat sees bird seed.
Rule #8: Buy men label makers. This gift is almost as good as cordless
drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely
everywhere. Socks... Shorts... Cups... Saucers... Door... Lock...
Sink... You get the idea. No one knows why.
Rule #9: Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the
box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left
over.
Rule #10: Good places to shop for men include Ace Hardware, Big 5, Lowe's,
Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. NAPA Auto Parts and Sears are also excellent men's stores. It doesn't matter if he
doesn't know what it is. "From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need."
"Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks."
Rule #11: Men enjoy danger and action. That's why they never cook, unless
the cooking process involves a gadget that does something cool. This is
also why they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a
100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill!
The challenge! Smoke and flames! Who wants a hamburger?" Get him the George
Forman Lean Mean Grilling Machine. "Whoa! Look at the grease come out of
that burger!" Don't get him a bread machine - boooorrrring.
Rule #12: Tickets to a ball game are a smart gift. However, he will not
appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of19th Century Quilts." Everyone
knows why.
Rule #13: Men love chain saws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a
chainsaw.
If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he
gets a label maker.
Rule #14: It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum
extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an
extension ladder. No one knows why.
Rule #15: Rope. Men love rope. It takes them back to their cowboy
origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet
of 3/8" manilla rope. No one knows why.
