Spazzalicious04's blog: "depressed"

so they say keep telling me that the longer david is away it will get easier... well he has been gone now for almost a month and its not gettin any easier i mean i still have like 11 more months to go and i get to see him in march but still. It's hard to wake up in the morning knowing he isnt gonna be there, and its hard coming home to a virtually empty house and sleeping in an empty bed... i still expect to roll over at night and hug him but all i get instead is a pillow or a bear... i miss him so much and i'm trying to do this i really am... but i still catch myself trying to stop myself from crying, and i freak out when i'm alone sometimes and i have to remind myself to breath... i mean i know he and i havent had the best relationship and he hasnt treated me great all the time... but its working out and we are making it... and it has gotten better... i love him so much its not even funny... and i think i took that for granted and didnt realize it until he was gone... i now have a completely different outlook on us and him... and have a newfound respect for him... not just as my friend,lover,companion but as a soldier and my protector....

so yeah i have no money and they shut off my cell phone i want to fuckin scream its not funny

so i'm sittin here at my friends house i'm spending the night but i cant seem to fall asleep. my mind is racing with a bunch of stuff. i talked to my husband today and we argued he hung up on me again which is like a knife being twisted into my heart, thats the worst thing that he could do to me especially since we dont know if A)when he will be able to call again B)or if that will be the last phone call we'll ever have and he didnt even say i love you... i dont know i thought him going to iraq would be easier then this and when we argued i wouldnt care but i guess not... it hurts worse.