Bite Me Blog by kapprcorn420
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kapprcorn420's blog: "Bite Me"

created on 01/06/2008  |  http://fubar.com/bite-me/b175345
It's unfortunate the history of pain and suffering that is carved into the sepulchre of Love. There seems to be more tales of heartache and sadness and suicide attached to the thought of Love then there is happiness and success. Perhaps we overlook the obvious, any tale we know of with a happy ending is usually straight from a childrens book, very few reports from life. So why do we keep on trying? Love seems to be like the lottery, we're prolly not gonna win, yet we play anyway, throwing away our money on hopes and dreams. I guess you can't win if you don't play, but the cost of playing Love's Lotto is more than a dollar. It costs more than anyone should have to pay. I know within myself I have paid more than my fair share of pain and failure and I'd like to say I'm done playing, but I guess I'm just a hopeless romantic of sorts. Maybe someday I'll win. It may just kill me, but maybe I'll win. Either way I'll be free of pain.
Compassion? Elusive compassion is only truly born of understanding. The understanding comes from connection, in some form or many. Connection to pain, to loss, to joy, to remorse, to emotion. Emotional Ocean Swallowing us whole in its vastness Drowning in my pain, as I sink to the depths... What is that I see? A reflection of myself? But no! It is another. Could it be? Another poor soul has found it's way to the same point as me. Therein lies the compassion, a child from the womb of my understanding. A companion in pain. A new friend in my suffering. A glimmer in my darkness. Sink or swim sink or swim The struggle within which we share.
As silent as snow fills the air As permanent as existence As gentle as down dancing in the breeze As magical as a kiss My heart is now bleeding, covering the white blanket of snow in a beautiful array of reds. It almost looks like an Angel, I think to myself, as the feather kisses my forhead before finding it's bed in the cold, bloody snow. I live, but I cease to exist. I have plenty of ammo But somebody has moved my target
Insanity lies deep within us all, maturing and designing itself to its own fate. When it's moment comes it knows how to take over, decietful little bastard, moving in and becoming. Thoughts on paper run together to form words unspoken, with more meaning hidden behind the illusion of it's portrayed purpose. Breaking into the tomb of meaning is to become. Become the father or the mother or the god of those words and create with them, a new life. Birth of the unspoken brings new meaning, a new light.
Endless memories flood through my mind like water over stones upon a mighty river. Lacking the capability of building a dam strong enough to hold them back, I dive head first into the river, surrounding myself with the torturous beauty of good times remembered. Sometimes they seem so far away, so distant, I wonder if they ever happened. The sky opens up with firey rain, each drop sizzling on my skin like bacon. My skin smells like bacon......can this be true? My body feels a new coat, one of wirey hairs, course and dense. Could it be? Am I the swine? Raised to butcher, to fill the bellys of others? Perhaps I shouldn't swim in the river that flows through my mind on a Tuesday again. My bad.
Life is a murder Current mood: depressed What good is the soul which dwells within my shell, what use has it served? I feel not the love one should covet for thy own flesh and blood. Returned unto me is nothing in comparison to the passion and effort I put forth unto my hearts desire. The light of my heart grows dim, an empty cavern of decay remains where once was a home to many romantic hopes and dreams. Their corpses picked clean by the vultures spawned by the death of my marriage.
Apathetic attitudes adjust accordingly at almost anatomically accurate angles. Depressions stir like the substance flows through veins. Unaccomplished tasks and desires Dance around me as if tribesmen in a ritualistic chant around the fire. The fire. The fire steadily burns within me, the craving. My link to darkness. My lust for love. A myth. Unproven legends. Hatred for failure. Destined for pain. I fear that I'll never find true love again. Feather. Beautiful Feather. I long to feel your gentle touch once more for eternity. Feather.
Silence. Silence is what creates your insanity as you lie, stagnant, with your cold dead skin pressed against the satin walls of your now eternal home. On earth you are but a mere memory of a miraculous creation to those who knew and loved you.....they now miss your presence. In Earth, you live without breath. Death has ended your life. A burial returns you deep within the heart of our true mother.
Once upon the shadow of the foreskin of life, deep within the garden in the womb of wisdom, there stands a young man, confused..poking..licking and smelling....searching for suitable soil for the sowing of his seeds. What life is such when love be so elusive? Confusion. Check! Not mate. Hi there--want a taste? Just let it melt on your toungue...dont spit it out! Dont spit! For it's all you get. Now..off you go with love's sweets lingering still on the edge of your tongue. I told you not to eat from the tree. I love, ...oh yes, more than I could have imagined. So beautiful. So frightening. I love still I love
As I wandered so far down the trail, deeper and deeper into the woods, the moonlight that earlier so brilliantly illuminated my path was now almost completely blocked out by the monstrous trees which surround me. They seem to pulsate in the night, giving off this strange vibrating sensation. In a sudden flash, a pale-green, what appeared to be a boulder, came crashing through the trees, thrashing them aside like duckpins on a professional bowlers best shot. It all happened so fast that, at what seemed to be(and in my opinion should have been) the dreaded moment of impact, the ground felt as if it gave way and I was being pulled through this gelatinous based substance. When it finally stopped pulling me in I was surrounded by this immensly beautiful, as far as the eye could see, illuminated lime-green gelatin. I was drowning... ... and for a split second, a second which seemed to last a lifetime, I didnt care. I didnt care. Not because I wanted to die, no, but because I felt unexplainably uphoric. I wanted to stay in that jelly forever. When the thought finally occured to me that I would be dead if I did, I did everything I could do to try and swim to the top, or wherever anywhere else may be.......Now...some of you may have some mislead fantasy about jumping into a pool of jello or some shit like that, butlet me tell you, that shit dont work out. The harder I tried to swim, the slime that surrounded me broke apart--it felt as if it wouldnt hold firm enough to give me any momentum to propel myself anywhere. It felt completely unnatural. Not that anything that happened this night felt natural. Suddenly, with a great big splash, I dropped onto the pier, where the old fisherman had given me the pack of cigarettes to give to my dad. At that time I really wanted to just skip away and bring my dad his cigarettes. As much as this may seem confusing perhaps this may help to clear things up a bit--or confuse you more..... Me, myself have never bee given a pack of cigarettes to give to my dad, at anytime in my life. I certainly never met an old fisherman named Welch, but I hope you can understand that when I first arrived there through the jelly and onto the pier, I didnt remember the whole jely thing, or the trees. At that time I was given a pack of cigarettes from an old fisherman named Welch, who stank like rotted fish so bad that it permanently drove away my appetite for seafood--to this day I cant go to red lobster. Anyway, as I proceeded to skip away I could hear these low, grumbling, growling sounds behind me. When I peered back, Welch's head was repeatedly jerking to his shoulder and al the while he was moving at unhumanly fast speed after me, twitching and growling. I was so scared. I could feel the warmth of my urine as it soaked thru my jeans. I had no idea what to do, so I jumped...off the pier, and into the air... I felt pieces of my flesh being torn apart, like millions of pirahna feasting on a cow. My vision became sparkles and I passed out. What came next was a real trip. When the waiter finally arrived, I looked up into his face and at that moment--everything, everyone everywhere, just stopped--became completely motionless. Time had frozen. Julie sat there with that silly little shy girl face that she usually puts on whenever we start talking about us having a baby. I was absolutely dumbfounded by the whole situation that I didnt even think about what I was doing as I sliced thru the young waiter, Marcus's flesh with a steak knife--the kind with the rounded tip. I piled the flesh in strips on his tray and went from person to person, placing flesh in the mouths of the customers and moving couples from partner to partner, mismatching pairs of people. I walked back to my chair....sat down......I let the silence go for a bit.. "Waiter!" I shouted, and in that second, everyone started screaming and vomiting and slipping in blood. Julie was freaking out so bad, she clutched her chest, I swear she must have ripped half of her breast off as she dropped to the floor. Lifeless. Needless to say, the food was cold, the service sucked and I have been in way better atmospheres than that. Like this one time I was rolling a joint in my uncles van and he kept hitting his brakes and laughing at me because I couldn't keep the weed still. I said"one of these times you're gonna make me lose it all" and just as I said that the van jerked again and the weed went flying--"Just like that!" I yelled. I then looked up to see that we had actually hit another vehicle. Thats a whole different story all together though. That was the night he said he was going to kill himself and crashed into a tree and could have died---almost did actually.... ...but anyways, as I left the restaurant, I stepped out into a field of snow. At that momet I had complete recollection of everything that had happened that night. The tree's, the jello, the old man, the pain..and the feeling I had as I sliced through marcus's flesh. The giddyness I felt as I placed the lolling pieces of flesh into the mouths of others. I even remember pushing a piece just a little farther down the throat of a little girl. I lost it. I layed down(fell I should say), face first into the snow, crying insanely, beating my head with my fists until my screams were completely overpowered by the ringing in my head... I reached up and turned off the alarm clock. I realized then that I was never really fully asleep all night. I was sitting on the bed, eyes wide, jaw hanging... ....But I wasn't there.
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