You know people. This really sucks. There is a person on here, and several other sites, that is very closely connected to me. And yes, I do love her, more than anything in the world. But, as of lately, it seems that she doesn't even care that I exist. I'm choosing not to mention her name, just to avoid any possible problems. But those of you that truly know me well, know who I am talking about.
When we first met, everything seemed perfect. She was the most perfect person in the world to me, I couldn't have asked to meet someone any better.
After we had known each other for about 3 months, she decided to come visit me. The original plans were for her to come up here, and stay for about 2 weeks, then go back home. Well, things didn't quite happen that way. She ended up staying with me for about a month. Which was perfectly fine with me. She went back home, and, within a few days of her being back home, she called and asked me what I thought about her just moving in with me. This sounded too good to be true, but I said I loved the idea. So in about another week or so, she came back up here, with pretty much all of her posessions.
Things went wonderfully for so long. Then, we had to find work. She found a job working in the deli of the local supermarket. I wasn't having quite as much luck. So she offered to try and get me a job working with her. At first I was a little uneasy about the idea of working with someone that I love and care so much for. (I've had a bad experience in the past.) But, I needed a job so I accepted her offer.
She started working in late August, I started around the middle of September. Things went ok for a few months. But then I noticed that she was starting to become more and more withdrawn from our relationship and more focused on work. While I was extremely concerned, there seemed to be no way of reaching out and talking with her about how I felt. Thats how distant she had already gotten. We had our good days, and we had our not so good days. Our good days would mainly consist of, if we were both off work, getting up, and going out to eat with one of our friends, or going to cathc a movie and just spending time together in general. We would both buy gifts for each other occasionally. I helped her purchase an ipod, which she had wanted for quite some time.
But nothing like that ever seemed to be enough. Then finally it happened. The infamous Chicken Salad incident while we were both working in the deli.
A customer complained to me in a very rude manner because he didn't like the way I was scooping his salad... fucking cunt bitch... anyways, I got extremely pissed of and since the customer was cussing at me, I basically told him to fuck off. Among other things. I was fired immediately, and decided that If I was going out, I was going out with a fuckin bang. I wrecked that place, (not to say that I'm proud of what I did, which I'm not.)
Anyways, shortly after this incident, she seemed to just shut down completely. She became obsessed with going back home. I didn't like the idea, but eventually agreed that she should go back home to visit her family. She had promised to come back in a few days, which she did. But, what really hurts me, is the fact that when she came back in, she didn't say "hey baby, I missed you", or anything like that, she didn't even say hello really. The very first thing she said was, I'm going back down there again in about another two weeks.
I began to fear for the worse. She had met someone else, and wanted to go be with them, but didn't have the heart to tell me. When I asked her though, she said that she was leaving again because she didn't get the chance to see her mom. Again, there was alot of heated dispute from my side. In my opinion, if her mom wanted to see her, then she had her chance, but instead when she was almost to her moms house, her mom told her not to bother coming that night. At least that's what I was told.
We finally came to an agreement though. That she would leave that night, go straight to her moms house, and be back in two days. She even promised that we would go out and see a movie that was coming out on the day that she was saying she would be back. Well, needless to say, those two days, have long since passed. And she still has not returned as promised.
There have been many challenges, I have suspected her of cheating on me on many occasions. Some more justifiable than others. I admit, I too have had the opportunity to cheat on her, but have never been able to let myself do it.
There have also been numerous times, where she has told me that she is ready to come back to me. But, "things" keep coming up, and she isn't here yet. After many months, we had finally agreed that on April 15th., she would come back up here. But, again, other shit came up, and she said she wasn't ready yet.
I'm to the point where I am almost at the end of my rope. It's like I've got enough left to either try and salvage whats left of the relationship, or quite possibly hang myself in the process... Sh says there's alot going on with her, but when I ask a question, she won't answer me. Earlier tonight, she told me that if I asked the right questions, then she would answer. Well, obviously, asking questions that are direct to the point are not the "right questions," so I don't know what else to ask. I can't even seem to get an answer to the question of, "do you want to be with me?" I asked if she cares if she ever sees me again, the answer that I got seemed a bit half hearted. She said yes, but I just didn't get the feeling that she really meant it.
And now I'm all out of words. I've been sitting here typing for over an hour. and I don't know what else to say. So I'm going to leave you with a message meant for the special person this entry is all about. If you're actually reading this. Just tell me whats wrong. If I didn't care I wouldn't ask in the first place. So just open up, like you used to do, and tell me whats really wrong.
