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What are you waiting for?

A lonely beast I smile in the eye of storm What is life to the one who doesn't know how to smile when alone. Drenched in the pain of who I am, soaking in the glory of all that I shall become I stand staring into the night sky. My dreams becoming so vivid I lose track of hours, and days blur into one. But isn't that all life really is? No one seems to have an answer. I think Friedrich Nietzche came closet to nailing the coffin shut when he stated "You have your way, I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, it does not exist." Songs of freedom surging through my veins today I walk proudly through the decisions I have made acknowledging my mistakes to sharpen my sword upon them. Words to make you weep, thoughts to make you smile, promises of heaven as we dance through hell… life follows your thoughts, it is a shame most really have no idea what they are thinking. Eyes squinted staring at the flashing neon cross reminding me all shall be forgiven for ten percent of my income. Ears bleeding pierced by the shrieks of the carnage below; sirens, lies, love rained out. Walking down the hillside towards the whorehouse of redemption I see the blackened figure. I am unsure if it it is his natural tint of skin or days of dirt interwoven with the fallen ashes of dreams. Illuminated by God's flashing sign above him, he stood holding a sign "Ninjas killed my family—need money for Kung-fu lessons". Now that is a cause worth donating to I thought to myself as I reached into empty pockets to pull out my last few dollars. The derelict bowed graciously upon receiving my gift. I stood there beside my new friend and together we watched people enter through the massive oak doors. I felt his breath on my neck and his whisper in my ear "These fools spend so much time on their knees, they forget that there is fresh air in standing up…." Looking across the street I saw a woman wearing something that resembled a skirt, but seemed to be missing material as her ass hung down waving to passers by. Her eyes caught mine and she held her sign high above her head advertising that which her ass had failed to mention "Use me, Abuse me, the price of my dignity $50". The banshees are shrieking again. Someone somewhere is selling salvation. It is often in moments of total obscurity from the world I shine brightest. If they only knew the secret adventures, the savage journeys….but perhaps it is best they do not for I would probably be committed, for society does not approve of the social outlaw. Searching for answers of questions not yet completely defined, I love the hunt, this quest a reason to live. My eyes once touched upon the words of Ursula Leguin "The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainty; not knowing what comes next". There is genius in those words; she must belong to the clan of the mad. Welcome to my world where the mad rule the land and stampede all that get in the way. Why is it so hard to understand I want to light up the sky before I die?? Here I stand staring you in the eye, unwavering as I ask you one question "Who are you?" simple enough, yet I watch as you squirm and struggle to find an answer that you find satisfying. For a moment I take you away from the world you have built, or is it from the world that has built you. A moment of solitude in a time of universal deceit to see if you have the strength to stand naked before me, stripped down to bare your soul. I don't think you know what it is you want. Surrounding yourself in people to pass the time and wear a smile for the evening, dancing for a moment in some simple pleasure, you find yourself teased by the things you desire as they creep out of your soul. Wanting more than that which you have but not knowing where to find it nor the courage to seek it out. What is the point of going to bed if you have no reason to greet the sun. I hear the voice calling to me "You need to pull yourself together, do what needs to be done. Rise up. Bold, Majestic, you are above them. Let them know it, let them feel it. Grasp it, sense it, helpless to resist all that you are." The Harvard smile, the paper that reads graduate of Yale, it all means little to the man who is made from experience. I have read the words of Poe, Blake, Emerson and made them dance for me. I stand apart from those hiding behind beautiful imagery. I paint my picture and jump head first into my words, my thoughts leading me, provoking, pushing... bring me the devil I came to fight. "When one jumps over the edge, one is bound to land somewhere". I hear the notes of chaos, the world singing my favorite song I dance into the night to find you. No, I don't care to hear your name, show me first you are worthy of my attention and then we can discuss such trivial issues later. The music is playing; can't you feel it? Close your eyes and open them slowly…for it is only going to get harder, faster, the sweet penetration of emotions. I don't want what you have, but all that you are. Welcome to the rodeo of sin, my words mission bells to guide you through this barbaric journey of self-discovery as we tear down the walls that hold you inside. Standing eye- to- eye, rhapsodic rage to shake you from lethargy, my hands place upon your undulating hips as you feel the madness in the music start to move through you. That is the beauty of madness as you give into it and are struck by the lightning of heightened sensation. Lying belly down together to slither through the mud, sharing pain becomes an exotic journey to cleanse the soul as I reach to wipe the dirt from your lips and feel the tenderness still hiding there. Your name to my ears will always be Eden. These moments my diamonds and pearls, richer than the richest of men with your smile at my side. Calamitous turmoil running rampant "while lying in the gutter, some of us are starring at the stars….ahhh yes the world is waiting for you…take it…make it yours. I am ready to meet my maker. Whether my maker is ready of the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter….HHAHAHAHA…yeah bubba there is going to be shenanigans and I don't want to die without some good scars.
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