The cap's blog: "B's blogin' again"

(i am to drunk to care what i am saying or about me spelling) I love you. Ever wonder what those words mean? 3 words that get tossed around more then any other, with "i hate you" a close 2nd. (think about that) Do you ever think people say it to people just so they can hear people say it back to them? Does that make it any less true? We all want to hear someone say "I love you" (i'm not sure where i am going with this) They say you cant love someone untill you love your self, but can any one love YOU if you dont lover your self? What if i just kind of like myself? What is it that makes you love some one? Does it happen over time, you just know some one so long that one day you say i have known them for 5 years now i love them. Does it happen in a day? Can it happen in a day? Ever say i love you to some one you didnt? Ever had to act like you didnt love some one as much as you really do cause they dont want you? Has any one every told you "your too good for me" and you wanted to spit in their face for it? What is this crazy thing called love? I dont fucking know, help me. No one is going to read this

There is nothing a man loves more then when a woman/women tell him he is a good friend or such a nice guy. If your a man and you hear something like that from a woman that you have been trying to date or whatever it's like having you dick cut off.There you are trying to spend time with her, doing things you think she may like, putting your self out there showing her how you feel and she says, "you a really nice guy" or "you such a good friend to me" now there you are in the friend zone, one step above the gay guy that does her nails. Thats why you can't really do nice things for women. I feel like they want you to treat them like shit, I have a friend that slaps the shit out of his girlfriend every few week and she keeps talking about how much she loves him and how she hopes he never leaves her, it's not like she is ugly and couldn't better then him, shes hot and they have been together for 3 years. But i take a woman out to some place nice to eat maybe a movie then a bar or for coffee, whatever her thing maybe and she cuts my dick off and treats me like I'm her gay friend. Why do i waist my time? Maybe i just need to start fucking these bar sluts that want me but I don't really like and give up trying to make some one that looks at me like i'm gay care for me! Maybe i should pick her some flowers

Why do i waist my time? Is it really a waist of time if i don't see it that way? People keep telling me i'm waisting my time, but i see it as i am trying to put in time. Sure nothing really comes from it, but that could be my fault. Maybe i am not trying hard enough, maybe... Maybe i'm not good enough, my friends keep telling me i am waisting my time. There are other women i am friends with, and one of them really likes me a lot but i don't see her as anything more than just a friend. I feel like if i was to just say fuck it and try and go with a women that i really don't want to be with that would be a waist of my time. I'm not just looking for some one to fuck. I could find some drunk chick in a bar for that, then wake up the next day and not remember her name and would still think about the other. Maybe i am... Something good has got to happen to me

Hello me... Meet the real me, and my misfit way of life. Our dark black side of life is my most valued possession, You say things you don't mean and do things i don't want too, You smile and laugh with people i hate and say things like your cool with me and shit like that. If it's the thought that counts then i have killed them 1000 times in our mind. You laugh and smile when my soul has been cut to the bone and pretend it's not killing us both. Hello me... It's me again, you can subdue but never tame this side of us, it gives me a migraine headache putting up and dealing with the shit the you take. You just keep thinking things are your fault when we both know it's not, they think you are such a nice or sweet guy but then again you do hide me from them. But do they know know that if that bitch had got out of the way and that pussy had not ran out the door i would have shot the motherfucker or that guy that was talking shit, you know who i'm talking about, if you would have let me done something about it maybe you would feel better about how things went. Well, me... It's been nice talking to myself, call it a credit to pent up rage. Some day maybe both of us will know my pain and people will see the smile of MY black toothed grin. I do know that if this war inside our head doesn't take a day off we will both be dead. So try and let me out a little more or my icy fingers may claw our eyes out. Who knows, i just may get us something we both want. Something good has got to happen to us!

Is love when you find yourself thinking about someone before you go to bed then when you wake up they are the 1st thing you think about (after you take a piss)? Do you ever find yourself driving somewhere and a song comes on that reminds you of them and you look over and say "Remember when..." then you see that you are alone? Is love when you sit there looking at you phone trying to think of a story or something funny that didn't really happen that day but you just need something to say just so you can hear their voice? Do you ever open the text on your phone put their number in and then hit the END button and do that 3 or 4 times cause you want to talk to them but you have nothing to say? Do you never forget their birthday? Is love when you say "I love you" and you didn't say it so they would say it back too you but you said it cause you love them? And don't get me started on the driving past their house, or going through their garbage, or looking in their window so you can watch them sleep or renting a car and buying a camera with a hi powered zoom and sitting across the street. Is any of that love or is the bitch just stocking me?

So i went to see the Bourne Ultimatum last night and it was good if you liked the other 2 you will like this one, some of the camera work was a little fucked up and there could have been a little more hand to hand fighting but all-in-all is was good. But before the movie started i was sitting there looking at all the people and i saw this dude a few rows in front of me and to the left and he was sitting there by his self and i started thinking god that must suck. Then i looked at the seats on either side of me and thats when it hit me, i came here alone too, so i went and got some popcorn and 2 cherry icie's and gave him one and said i know how you feel and went and set back in my seat and watched the movie. I really don't know why i wrote this!

I have this little dog that is about 16lbs and she is scared of everything, if the doorbell rings she runs under my bed and just barks if you clap to loud she pisses on the floor if you look at her to long she starts to cry if its cold and i make a fire in the fire place she hides under my bed cause the popping of the fire freaks her out. Any dog she see makes her piss on her self like it was going to eat her or something. As far as i can tell the only dog she is not scared of is the one next door it is a lot smaller than her and when i take her outside if it is out there she runs up to it and it runs away from her and won't let her get close to it. Now i know all she wants to do is sniff its butt it just won't let her even get near it. It's kind of like me with women, the only ones i want are the ones that run from me, i try to get close to them and they just run away and i just keep running after them, all i want to do is sniff their butt or something like that. You know what i'm trying to say?

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. "How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half.. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead. "How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . .. . You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!! But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's No fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 And your dreams are gone. But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would! So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60. You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92." Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!" May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!! HOW TO STAY YOUNG 1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay "them." 2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. 3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever.. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's. 4. Enjoy the simple things. 5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. 6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive. 7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge. 8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable,improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help. 9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is. 10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.