So, Bill (Aka Colonel_Deckard) did finally come over and get the computer I had waiting on him.Which it was a good thing he showed up. After waiting the whole weekend to see him, I got to see the man, who has been a constant figure in my life since I have known him. Now, before we all start saying I was going to jump his bones, the thought had crossed my mind since lord knows I haven't been as lucky to get any from my own husband in three months. Let's chalk that up to the fact that maybe I am just not attractive for my husband to love me. He sure acts like I am not worth it at times, and yet here I am still with him. It's like Bill to analyze me. HE knows I have never been happy with myself so he tries to give me the confidence I don't have in myself, but then again, my own husband can sit there and make wisecracks about me and then Bill wonders why I don't think I am pretty??? (No, I didn't jump his bones. I was being as good as I could be,)
Ir's the desperation factor. I HATE being alone. I can't stand not being with someone. I feel like I would be so lost without having someone to take care of me, love me, you name it, I am pretty sure that is what is going on. I can't handle being alone. I tried it when each relationship I had failed. I knew what I was capable of at the time, and I wasn't the same person after wards. So, Bill being an analyst of me, he has to come up with something that would at least make the difference in how I am. I can't just sit there and play these "I'm ok and happy" games anymore. I have my moments where I am ok, but this is one of those things that if I tried to find answers to my questions, I am surely never going to find them in any magazine. I guess it's something I will have to deal with one way or another. See who can figure out what this is all meaning.