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Hello family, friends, and various haters!  It has come to my attention, as of late, that I needed to change a few things in my account. And for those that have been to my pages before, you may have noticed that something is missing.  That would be my old blogs.  They were decidedly dark, and depressing.  But, for those that don't know, or never read, it was my realization that my M.S. was destroying my life like a worm in an apple.  Yes, it seriously caused a bout of depression.  From moving from the greater Chicago area, back to the southern tip of Illinois.  I grew-up in the area I'm living in.  And things have changed.  More stores, more vacant stores.  A new strip club (never been to one down here, even when I was younger, all I can picture of them here is meth addicted, toothless yellow-hammers) or two have been built. More banks and churches.  Less enrollment at Southern Illinois University (home of the Salukis, hence my name here).  Friends from grade school to high school pretty much gone. (go Murphysboro Red Devils!)  New roads.  

But, now that I'm moving to year five of my relocation, I suppose it is time to reflect a little and look ahead.  My Army days are over. Yes, I could go back, but I'll be damned if I go as a r.e.m.f. (Rear Echelon Mother Fucker)  I'm a hands-on, fight forever kind of soldier.  So now, with my M.S. in check, I have discovered fire fighting and the medical field.  Now I'm helping people, not killing them, lol...  It started a way for me to re-evaluate myself.  I'm thankful for an understanding chief and staff that keep their eye on me so as I don't over do it.  I tend to keep going without realizing my body is shutting down, lol...  But I realized I was too late in my life to be on a full-time basis, regardless of the M.S. (we have a lieutenant that has M.S. as well) to be on a career department.  In my state, you have to be under the age of thirty-two to join.  Some pension b.s.  Such as life.

Wiener dog will be turning eleven this April, and she's been my best friend while I had all my self doubt and depression.  I've met new friends here, but miss my old friends up-north.  I've even made a few friends here in Fubar, and for that, I'm very thankful.  I don't know where I will end up in my life, but it has to start again.   And I think it is starting to roll.  You might think that I'm using the old fairy tale line, but in fact, it comes from a Kurt Vonnegut book: "And the cow jumped over the fucking mooooonnnn....".  So Hickory Dickery Dock... Or whatever the hell it is, lol...  

I'd like to think that my mind is starting to clear up now.  And maybe there will be a ray of sunshine here and there for me to sit and relax in it's warmth.  I don't really know what to write about now.  The options are wide-open.  I'm putting behind the old me.  The one with the heart that was put into a blender and put on puree.  I'm going to try and get my head on straight.  Oh, my last cigarette was on March 13th... So far, so good.  One month of Chantix.  Anyway, I'm just going to go ahead and publish this one.  Maybe you'll be able to understand that I'm trying to move forward for a change.  If there are any questions, feel free to ask.  Thank-you for your time.

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