1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup
>>of boiling water down your throat and, presto!, the blockage will be
>>almost instantly removed.
>>
>> 2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
>>someone else to hold them while you chop away.
>>
>> 3. Avoid arguments with your wife about lifting the toilet seat by
>>simply using the sink.
>>
>> 4. For high-blood-pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed
>>for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember
>>to use a timer.
>>
>> 5. A mousetrap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you
>>from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze
>>button.
>>
>> 6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you
>>will be afraid to cough.
>>
>> 7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will
>>forget all about the toothache.
>>
>> 8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really
>>are: You only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't
>>move and should, use the WD-40; if it shouldn't move and does, use the
>>duct tape.
>>
>> 9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
>>
>> 10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
>>
>> Thoughts for the day: If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You
>>get another chance. Be really nice to your family and friends; you never
>>know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.
>>
>> Some people are like slinkies.....they're not really good for
>>anything; but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them
>>down a flight of stairs.