HadesSane's blog: "Am I dumb"

At the moment I am very bored. But, I do have things to do. Like get my daughter on the school bus in about 15 minutes. And then clean my house. But I don't want to. I find myself getting more and more lazy these days. Tonight I get to go play darts. Yippy, it's the one thing that gets me out of my house. I play on a league and this year they decided to make it even more difficult. I'm not the greatest player, but it's fun and gives me something to do. And now I have to play against the best people in the league because they changed it from 2 divisions to just 1 so now us not so good players have to play the good ones. But the other 3 people on my team are pretty good, so we might have a chance. I hope. Other than that my life is boring as I said. Although, I am happy that I got a job. I start on the 11th of Dec. It will be cool I think. Making money is always good. But I feel like crap so much these days but maybe actually doing something will take my mind off the stomach cramps and the feelings of wanting to puck 24 hours a day. I can only hope.

I hate this. I'm so sick of seeing my entire bulliten space full of fucking pimping shit. who the hell cares how many points you have or need. I'm here to meet new people not point or pimp myself or anyone else. I have actually deleted people from my friends and fans just because of this. The only thing I ever get from them is them trying to pimp out someone or begging for help getting to the next level. What's the big damn deal. Get over yourself and leave me the hell alone.

im so tired Bored questioning confused wanting needin loving hating wishing if i could change anything would i? Why? maybe i should just let go

Is she killing Yes Mass murder No heart Handling his love Security denial Shadow sleep Introducing blood Bombs your life Promise experience Revolt!

I wonder what they are like. I've never gotten one or given one. Hmm I should get someone to obsene phone call me. That would be fun. In the middle of the night when I'm already sleeping would be great. I think it would be amusing. Some of you may disagree. Oh well, I will have fun my own way. I'm not wierd, I swear. Well, maybe a little. Christ in a handbasket, I feel wired. Way too much caffine and nicotine today I think. Or not enough, can't make up my mind. Ha Ha Fuckered up this post is. Laughable though.

Just a few things that I have realized about belief. Some people say they belive but really don't while some say they don't but really do. Not just about God or religion. About anything. Why would you tell people you belive them if you don't? If you think someone is lying to you you should say something right? So why do people put up with other people preaching to them at home on the net or on the street and not say anything. We act all nice and listen when in truth we are probably saying to ourselves, "yeah right, bite me you lying piece of crap" Am I right? I tell people how it is. If I don't belive what you are trying to sell me I will let you know. I try to do it in the most polite way I can, but if you don't listen I can get quite rude. Main reason, as I have said before, if I wanted to get preached at I would take my happy ass to church on Sunday. It's no fun and I don't do it. I don't press my beliefs on people, I would appreciate the same consideration from everyone else. I tell the truth I would like the truth in return. It's common curtesy wouldn't you think? But there are the people in the world that wouldn't know the truth if it bit them in the ass. They can't belive anything you say and they themselves cant' say anything that is true. Why are some people like this. The truth is too boring for some people? Good criminy, the truth really is stranger that fiction ninety percent of the time. Just tell the damn truth. And if you don't belive something you hear, call them on it. No matter who it is. Life would be much simpler this way don't you think?

Why do people insist on sending chain emails to me? They should know by now that they will never get them back and I won't send them to anyone else. Same with stupid surveys of my favorite color and age and just plain stupid questions. If you know me well enough to have my email address you should know the answers to those questions anyway. Another thing that gets me is emails about God. If I wanted to get preached at I would go to church. Apperantly that's not on my list of fun things to do on a Sunday morning therefore it's not on my list of fun email to read. Not saying I don't believe in God I just don't like getting told how and where to believe. Another random thought. Why can't this part of the country put a decent football game on a network channel at any point on Sunday? Yesterday afternoon, I would have loved to be watching the Cowboys even though they lost they are more interesting than the crap that was on. I love football but only certain teams a deem worth watching. One more thing, I hate getting eight calls in one day from the same person with no life who has nothing better to do than sit on the phone. If you have a reason to call me call me. If you are bored and have nothing of interest to say, leave me the hell alone. And on that same note with election day being tommorrow I have gotten about 6 calls asking me to please vote for certain people. I'm going to vote but your stupid calls to remind me and beg for votes isn't going to change my mind about who I'm voting for. I have my reasons and I stick to them. That is all Thank you and Goodnight.

Is it just me or do women get hornier when they are pregnant? I've noticed that sex is like all I think about. I want it I need it I crave it. And of course there is no one here to give it to me. It sucks, I think about other things and somehow I just get right back to sex. Who knows? This could be the dumbest thing in the world to blog about, but it is an actual problem. At least with me. I wish it would just go away!!! Or a guy would just fall from the sky to take care of my every need then leave and only return when I needed him again. Wouldn't that rock girls?

Well, I just got some interesting news yesterday. I found out I'm pregnant. The father is my on again off again boyfriend of the last four years. The guy I was bitching about in my last blog. So we had talked about having kids before all hell broke loose and he left and we broke up...yet again. Well, I had to call him and tell him I was pregnant. That went over really well. He started laughing and crying at the same time. Then he precieded to call me later last night and tell me exactly how it was gonna be. That if we didn't get back together then the baby would spend half of the time with me and half of the time with him. I told him that we had nine months to figure it out. I don't know what to do about it. I may be completely retarded but I want to be with him and start a family. I already have one kid without a father and I sure as hell don't want two. I know that JP won't do what the other one did but it scares me anyway. Then again I don't want to be with him and then he leaves out of nowhere. He is pretty good at that when he gets mad. But anyway that is my rant. Got any advice? I'm more than willing to listen.

Okay this name seemed fitting even though I know the answer to the question. Yes I am completly retared. I let people walk all over me but then I feel like crap after they do. What the hell is my problem? But I think I know the answer to that one too. MEN!!! Well, let me refraise (sp?) that. ONE MAN. He's dumb, really dumb, he's a lying cheat and he likes to think he is gods gift. But DUMB me I still let myself think that I love him and then when it blows up in my face I feel all sad and teary eyed over it. Well that was before I smashed his stereo and shreaded his favorite sweater. Okay I know, childish and....wait for it....DUMB. Dumber than dumb and I will be the first to admit it. But, the upside is he was never setting foot in my house again to get any of his stuff back. Bad side...I could have used a new stereo if I would have thought rationally first. But blinded by anger I did what I did. But I felt better afterwords. Maybe that's all that matters, that I feel better now. Hope he feels better when he learns what happened to his stuff.