all sorts of messed up Blog by DarkDreamer
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.... let me be clear, i hate how the system works, i lost custody of my then 1 1/2 year old daughter to my soon to be ex-husband. he is jobless, dirty, abusive and a thief with no license, but when it comes to c&y looking into how he lives, works, or anything... he comes out smelling like a rose. granted i dont drive, but at least i have a steady job, pay bills and have my own phone that i can be reached at. but that matter, F*** NO! i used to live with my mom and didnt have a job, got a job in november, my mom moved out a few months later, still doesnt matter. had to take parenting classes- passed them, in therapy, they say im doing fine...does that matter? apparently not. to make arrangements to see my daughter, i have to call his sister's house phone because he's too damn poor to even afford to buy a prepaid or track phone. it clearly stated that we both needed a phone that we can be reached at and the last time i checked, he doesnt live with his sister. he lives with his gf and grandmother who both are on ssi and sucks all the money from them. he feeds me all this bs that he works for swift and picks up deliveries from the dollar tree warehouse.. last i checked you need a cdl let alone a license to drive a f-ing 18-wheeler, i saw the cop take his license away, my sister's in-laws know the cop too!!

thankfully now we go through a third party for visits (which he barely shows up for and doesnt call) and they keep track of all those times he doesn't show up. i sit there for the whole hour hoping he shows up, the nice lady there talks to me wondering why he doesnt call, she has to have the report in by this friday because the hearing is in a little over a week. same goes with my therapist, if the people at the court hearing dont think i have to continue therapy, i will only have one session left.

now to get to the good part... the abuse. now i know there are people out there who been through worse, i've met them...we talked and cursed and all that. in '08  i met this guy through a friend, he was decent at the time, but things escalated when i moved in. he wouldnt let me see my friends he'd leave me home by myself with no food. months later he'd start hitting me, threatening that if i ran away no one would find me because i'd be buried in the farmer's field. i stayed because i could go nowhere because i lived in the middle of nowhere and knew no one. then i got pregnant, he wanted me to have an abortion because we couldnt care for a child, well no shit, he wouldnt let me have a job. didnt get an abortion i was too far along, didnt get to see a doctor til i was 7 months along, he wouldnt let me stay at the hospital over night. got married only for the sheer notion he told me his family would disown me if i had a child out of wedlock... disowned meant that i couldnt go to the parties, no parties meant i wasnt gunna eat. 2 weeks later im in the hospital deliver my daugther. fast forward 9 1/2 months later, after one of his nephew"s birthday parties i plan my escape, 5am pack whatever baby food there was and a few toys for her and walk down to a girl's house i knew, from going into the gas station down the road often, and call the 3 numbers i knew off the top of my head... memerized for this day. my family didnt know i got married or even had a child... my mother's first grandchild. got a hold of my sister, her bf came and picked me and my child up by 630. get to the house they buy me some diapers and went to the dollar store and bought a few clothes for my daughter, i wear some clothes borrowed from my sister. it was a week before thanksgiving, nearly eat them out of house and home becausse i was starving. first thing i ate was 6 eggs, and 3 large pancakes, next my sister's bf takes me out to lunch and i eat a big mac large fries and half a 10-piece mcnuggets. i was finally full. that week i stayed with them i wouldnt stay by any windows and would sleep with my bedroom door locked. a few days before thanksgiving they rented a car and we head south so i can live with my mother. she cried and held her granddaughter for the first time, my brother was a proud uncle. plenty of pictures were taken stayed there til my daughter was 1 all because my ex found me and served me with custody papers... joyful. now here i am back up in the northeast, fighting to get custody of my 2 1/2 year old daughter who barely reconizes me and clings to her father.... F%$# HIM! he will not raise her to hate me, he will not because i will record everything, KARMA IS THE BITCH I DONT HAVE TO BE. i follwed the rules, he didnt and it will bite him in that ugly ass of his.

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