Saxxy PLZ sign my Guest Map's blog: "All About Love"

Reach for a glass, take a long drink. Waiting for that moment when you've escaped. You can't deal with life so you drink it away. You forget that it hurts everyone else. While you search for heaven in a bottle remember... It will still be hell for the rest of us...

I want to turn off my heart before it's destroyed. Go back to being safe where I once felt being alone was the only way. With no fear of getting hurt or never needing anyone else. I know it's not living, but it's surviving. Many times in my life, surviving is the best we can do. Living can be painful since loving means opening up. Letting someone know weak you can be - trusting them not to abuse that power. Yet I know deep within my heart I will love again and make the same mistakes that will take me down the path of pain. Noone can turn off their heart...I can't turn off my heart.

The all consuming need eating away at you. Controlling your every thought, forcing action, even when you want to resist. Like a moth to a flame - knowing the outcome of your actions. Yet the feeling of elation - an orgasm of the mind - only to repeat itself. Over and over again... My body is tight, wrapped around my mind - trying to pry through the walls of thought. I am simply here choking, getting weak from this... Obsession...

Going along as always and suddenly the world is a blur. Fuzzy around the edges I can't say where I am or who you are. I just know I am afraid of what is next...will my sight clear, will you still be there? I have lost sight once, will it fade - will I find the sunlight? I want to know I will find happiness again while seeking to change the past not trying to ignore the future. I'm angry with myself and feeling despair at the thought of what is lost. Now I'm unwilling to dream again - fighting myself not to feel closed off to love. My biggest fear is lost sight...

I release my past accepting that all that was - was all that could be. I reach toward my future aware that both joy and pain will nurture me. I embrace today not knowing my destination but trusting the path. We may not choose to remember everything but somehow we can't forget. You tend to hold on to what you know but to know is not always good. I don't forgive you to let you off the hook but to release my anger I hold within. My heart may love you but you are not worthy of that love. I never wanted you back I just could not let you go again. You are my past. Never my future. Always my present. Author Unkown

Love, Destiny, and Fate Love, Destiny, and Fate, How can I tell you what I really need to say, When you are so close but yet so far away. Life is a meaning of which no one is sure, Love must be hiding what we were looking for. Earth is the beginning of all that is pure, You are the heart of which I yearn for more. You're the sun in my sky, The wind that takes me where I want to go, The sweet incense that makes me feel so high That loving you seems all I need to know. When you're away I miss you so My heart is full of sand. Yet when you're here my stupid fear Won't let me touch your hand. I cannot sleep, I cannot eat, I'm so wrapped up in you. My thoughts drift up, away from words, And fade into the blue. I know this crush is not your fault; The dinosaur is mine. Yet if you could, please rescue me, And put your arms around me, and hold me, and say you love me I want to make your heart beat just for me. I want a true love in my lonely life. Somehow we just fit, as if clean cut To go together, zigzags complementary. But if you'd catch a burning, plunging star, I know I'd make you happy for your love. There's pleasure, surely, drawn from the reflection That someone, somewhere, worships your sweet face, Thinks you are the summit of perfection, Wants nothing more of life than your embrace. The danger is you'll think it couldn't be; So I suggest you see yourself through me. Just wanted you to know: I love you. Every day I find I'm thinking of us two, There are no word to express the intensity between us. And yet we share all other thoughts and feelings: I cannot wait to tell you of my day. Telling you this is opening a door That never can be closed again, and yet I must, because I ache for something more, Something that I must risk all to get. I will reach for you, and hopefully you'll be there. Destiny and Love gave us a chance, For on that fateful night we met - now we advance. We must not fear what lies just ahead, As it is better to live than be lonely instead. Only fate can make us rise above, Whether it is desinty or a true test of love. Love, Destiny, and Fate, How can I tell you what I really need to say, When you are so close but yet so far away. Life is a meaning of which no one is sure, Love must be hiding what we were looking for. Earth is the beginning of all that is pure, You are the heart of which I yearn for more.

"Hello Darling" I know that lately our relationship has been overshadowed by difficult things were going through. Sometimes that old feeling just cant be found; but its in theredeep in our hearts where its been all along. And we should never, ever let it go. I want to get back to the you and me that we used to know. When its all said and done, at the end of the day, I want you here to come home to. Distance has kept us apart, but our courage can surpass and conquer all. I want your arms to curl up in, and your sweet familiar love that makes it all worth while. I know in my soul, without a doubt, that you and I are destinythat is why I really want to make this work. I sit with anticipationnever really knowing what that word meant until I fell in love with you. Now I love to anticipate the next time Ill see you, when Ill kiss you, and when Ill touch you. I store up things to talk about and wonder what youll have to share with me. All day long Im picturing you in my mind, you touch my heart, and bring a smile to my lips. Even when were not together, you lighten my day with joy. I can hardly wait until I hear those words again, Hello Darling because I am filled with love for yousuch sweet anticipation. Our private time goes by to quickly and if I could make each day longer, I would. If I could make each day longer, lets talk about what we really enjoy and the things that will bring us closer together. If I could make each day longer, Id turn those days into a year. If I could make each year longer, I would show you how much I still love you. If I could make each year longer, I would prove to everyone you mean the world to me. If I were given the chance to live again, I would ... but only if I could spend it with you

"If I Could..." ~~~ For the record...relationships aren't 50-50. They are 100-100. How far have you ever gotten in a relationship where you've only given just 50% ? ~~~ ~If I could come back as anything it would be one of your tears. How could I want more than to be conceived in your heart, born in your eyes, lived on your cheek, and die on your lips. ~I've often caught myself looking at the stars wondering if the one, handsome man that is meant to be in my life is looking at the stars at the very same time. ~The man I've yet to meet. He will be of tremendous beauty in my eyes although his real beauty is from the inside. ~I don't know the specifics and I have no doubt he will surprise me with things I can never imagine. As I will hope to do for him. ~I will melt as he walks into the room, at the look in his eyes and the gentleness of his touch. ~I want to dance with him for a lifetime, even if it's only in the kitchen and until my legs are weak. ~Experiencing all that life offers, hand in hand, together, traveling, family, friends and unforgettable memories. ~To look into his eyes of later years and still seeing the amazing, handsome young man I fell in love with years before. ~To see him of years past, wrinkled and gray knowing that I had a part in some of the lines on his face, the love lines, laugh lines, cry lines and the beautiful happy lines. ~I want to be there holding each other through all of what life has in store for us. ~Our love, we won't settle for less. I know he's out there.

"Things" There are many things in life that will catch your eye, Only a few can catch your heart; But once in every lifetime, someone comes along, Who will touch your heart and speak to your soul. They touch you so completely, that in one brief moment you realize, Everything you ever hoped and dreamed of, Is right there in front of you...no disguise. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day's work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there's no need for continuous conversation, but you find you're quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there's a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. These are just some of the things that make that person - special.

"Feeling of Love…" It’s the way their tears make you want to change the world so it doesn't hurt him anymore...yet regardless you wish he would know that you would die without him. Because once in your life, whatever he was to the world he became everything to you. When you look in his eyes, traveling to the depths of his soul and you say a million things without trace of a sound, you know that your own life is inevitably consumed within the rhythmic beatings of his very heart. You love him for a million reasons. It is a thing not of the mind but of the heart. A feeling only felt, this is the feeling of love.