Wolven's blog: "al Qaeda on Strike"

al Qaeda  on Strike

Muslim  suicide bombers in Britain are  set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of  virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an  agreement. The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a  suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% this  February from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut was the increase in  recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of  virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide  bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs ( or B.O.O.M. ) responded with a  statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately  balloted for strike action. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally  working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much  in return; but to be treated like this is like a kick in the  teeth".

Speaking  from his shed in Tipton in the West  Midlands, in which he currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden  explained, "We sympathize with our workers concerns; but, Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet  their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day  Jihad in a competitive marketplace.

Thanks to  Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the  afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying  people off.  I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to tell  3000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves  up."

Spokespersons  for the union in the North East of England, Ireland, Wales, and the entire Australian continent stated that the strike  would not affect their operations, as "There are no virgins in their areas  anyway."

Apparently, the drop in the number of suicide  bombings has been put down to the emergence of Scottish singing star,  Susan Boyle - now that Muslims know what an actual virgin looks like, they  are not so keen on going to paradise.