There were three Aggies huddled around each other at a local bar. All of a sudden, they jumped up and yelled,
"Yeah, 45! 45!" The bartender goes down to them and asks, "45? What are you guys so excited about?"
One of the Aggies speaks up: "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. The box said 2 to 3 years, and we did it in 45 days!"
What is the difference between an Aggie and a carp?
One is a bottom feeding scum sucker and the other is a fish.
Did you hear about the Aggie terrorist who tried to blow up the Longhorn team bus.
He burned his lip on the tailpipe.
How many Aggies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but he gets 3 hours credit.
What is the difference between the Aggies and Rice Crispies?
Rice Crispies know what to do in a bowl.
Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco Chase?
On the A&M campus, because that's the last place you'll find a football player.
Did you hear about the skeleton they found in a closet in one of the dorms at A&M?
It was the 1963 hide-and-go-seek champion!
Did you hear about the Aggie who won a gold medal at the Olympics?
He liked it so much that he decided to get it bronzed.
Why did the Aggie get fired from the M&M plant as a quality control inspector?
He kept throwing out all the W&W's!
Have you heard about the Aggie kamikaze pilot?
He flew 22 missions.
An Aggie got a job at an east Texas sawmill. Just before lunch on his first day, he lost a finger. When asked
how he lost it, he replied, "I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi...Damn! There goes another one!"
Did you hear about the Aggie that drove his pickup into the lake?
His dog drowned while he tried to get the tailgate down.
Why don't Aggies eat barbecue beans?
Because they keep falling through the holes in the grill.
Why don't Aggies use 911 in an emergency?
Because they can't find "eleven" on the phone dial.
How can you tell an Aggie is on location at a drilling rig?
He's the one throwing bread to the helicopters.
How many Aggies does it take to eat an armadillo?
Two. One to do the eating, and one to watch for cars.
Ice is no longer available in the drinks at the cafeterias at A&M.
The senior who knew the recipe graduated.
Why do Aggies like smart women?
Opposites attract.
An Aggie went hunting and shot two deer. When he went to the taxidermist,
he was asked if he wanted them mounted.
"No," the Aggie replied, "kissing will be fine."
How do you sink a submarine which is manned by Aggies?
Have a diver knock on the hatch.
Did you hear that the A&M library had to close down this year?
Somebody stole the book. That's not all... when it was returned it was all colored in.
The Aggies were playing Baylor. It was near the end of the game and Baylor was ahead by 4. Someone threw a firecracker and the Bears thought it was the gun and ran off the field celebrating.
Three plays later the Aggies scored and won!!
Some Aggies were trying to scare the Longhorn football team before the game and threw firecrackers into the
locker room windows.
The Longhorns lit them and threw them back!
Did you hear about the Houston Cougar that transferred to A&M?
He raised the IQ of both schools!
Then there the Aggie that was hunting in the woods. He happened upon this beautiful woman laying naked in
the grass. He asked her, "Are you game?" The woman said "yes."
So he shot her.
How do Aggies practice safe sex?
They get rid of all the animals that kick.
A lucky Aggie won the Texas Lottery. When he went to collect his money they told him he wouldn't get it in one
lump sum and that it would be spread over 20 years.
The Aggie erupted and said, "If that's the case, then give me my dollar back!"
There was a group of Aggie science students that wanted to send a probe to the sun, but some UT students
said that was impossible and that the probe would burn up long before reaching the sun.
The Aggies replied that they planned to send the probe at night.
Why don't Aggies eat M&M's?
They're too hard to peel.
Did you hear about the Cessna airplane that crashed in a cemetery in College Station recently?
Aggie search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and are still digging.
Why did O.J. want move his trial to College Station?
In College Station, everyone has the same DNA.
What do Aggies think Cheerios are?
Donut seeds.
I think that it is a shame the way you pick on the Aggies. After all it was an Aggie engineer that invented the
toilet seat.
...of course a UT engineer stole the design and cut a hole in the middle.
What did the A&M graduate say to the UT graduate upon meeting?
Hi! Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order please?
What do you call 144 Aggies?
Gross Ignorance!
Did you hear about the Aggie that broke his leg raking leaves?
He fell out of the tree.
What's the Aggie cheer? "I'm an Aggie , I'm an Aggie, I'm and A.G.G.....ah, oh well.. I'm an Aggie, I'm an Aggie,
yea yea yea..."
Why did the Aggie keep a coat hanger in his back seat?
In case he locks the keys in his car.
An Aggie ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Did you hear about the Aggie who got locked out of his car?
He spent two hours trying to get his wife and kids out.
How do you keep an Aggie busy?
Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
I bet you didn't know that an Aggie invented the toothbrush.
Of course if anyone else had invented it, it would have been known as a teethbrush!
How do you recognize an Aggie in a department store?
He's the one trying to slam the revolving door.
How do you know when an Aggie has sent you a fax?
When there's a stamp on it.
Why do they throw out a sack of manure at all Aggie weddings?
To keep the flies off the bride.
Why did they install Astroturf at Kyle Field?
To keep the coeds from grazing.
At the end of the night, the Aggie turns to his girlfriend and asks, "Why is it everytime I go out with you, I end up
spending hundreds of dollars?"
And she says, "Because I'm a prostitute."
Why does the Aggie Corps wear uniforms made out of polyester?
There's no virgin wool within a hundred miles of College Station!
Did you hear about the Aggie who was 2 hours late to class?
The escalator was stuck....
What's the definition of mass confusion?
Father's day in College Station.
2 Aggies were attending a friend's funeral. While viewing the body one Aggies says to the other, "Gee, he looks pretty good!"
The second Aggie replies, "He should, he just got out of the hospital yesterday."
What about the Aggie whose wife gave birth to twins?
He wanted to know who the other man was...
Did you hear what happened to the Aggie when he found out that 90% of all car accidents occur within 5 miles
of home?
He moved.
How many Aggies does it take to change a flat tire?
Just one . . . unless it's a blowout, then they all show up!
Why did the Aggie get rid of his freezer?
He got tired of cutting the ice into little squares to fit into the trays.
Why can't Aggies field an ice-hockey team?
Everyone drowns in spring training.
Why can't Aggie farmers raise chickens?
They plant the eggs too deep.
What are the vital statistics of the winner of the Miss A&M Beauty Contest?
36-24-26.....and the other leg is the same.
What do you call a female Aggie who takes birth control pills?
A humanitarian.
Why are rectal thermometers banned in College Station?
They cause too much brain damage.
Why did the Aggie's team airliner crash?
It ran out of coal.
What do you call a female Aggie with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant.
Did you hear about the Aggie who was asked by his professor what would happen if we didn't have electricity?
He said we would probably be watching TV by candlelight.
How many Aggie programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
They can't, it's a hardware problem.
How do you get a Texas A&M graduate off your front porch?
You pay for the pizza.
How do you know when you are near College Station?
When you honk your horn, all the sheep back up to the fence.
Did you hear that Detroit was going to start putting the dimmer switch back on the floor in its new cars?
The Aggies kept getting their foot caught in the steering wheel.
The recent budgetary cuts are taking their toll at A&M. Just last week they announced the discontinuance of all
driver's ed and sex education classes.
The mule died, and there was just no money with which to replace her.
One young Aggie was really afraid of catching AIDS.
So he practiced abstinence AND wore a condom.
