I suppose everyone wants to know what the hell is going on. Everyone that I actually talk to regularly anyway. (And maybe some others in particular.)
I don't want a lot of shouts or further discussion about any of this really. Time to close this door and look forward but I know there's a lot of confusion out there and I don't want to leave anyone hanging either.
So, Chris and I were perfect. Things were great. Ya'll knew this. I couldn't have been happier. Chris knew A LOT of things about my personal life that I haven't necessarily shared here much. HOMICIDAL HUSBAND, some drug abuse years ago...NOT ANYMORE IN THE SLIGHTEST LET'S NOT GO THERE, and the biggest...I am and have been semi active in the adult industry. (Come on now, look at that face and that rack and pretend you didn't know!)
Chris being the amazing man that he is was very accepting. He loved me, I loved him. Things were gravy. Let me make it very clear...he didn't find these things out about me as we went along. He knew everything up front and before we became a couple. I am an open book, maybe not always here....but to the people involved in my real life YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT!
You know when something starts to eat at you...and you just aren't sure if you can handle it anymore? Well, my "lifestyle" as he put it...was one of those things. (Of course it didn't help he had catty bitches in his ear everyday talking smack about me.) BLAH! Get a life of your own is all I can say.
Anyway, he thought it best to call us quits...the way he went about it was completely inappropriate...he knows that now...and told me "I'm lying to myself and you when I tell you I love you."
I don't "do" liars. Figuratively or literally!
So, that was it. No please, please, no don't go from me. It was over. He blocked me, I blocked him. That simple.
Of course like many scumbags out there...ED (DJ TWIZTID) was there to swoop in and be the man Chris wasn't. Phrases like, "I have loved you since I met you", "I knew he wasn't the one for you and I was", "He lost the best thing that ever happened to him".... YADA YADA USING PSYCHO YADA YADA! But, of course after just being crushed by the man I truly saw myself growing old with...I soaked it up like a sponge. BUT, like the smarty pants I am always keeping my 3rd eye in line! But, this is just FU so we went all cutesy pootsy with it and became a "couple."
I may need specs to see but my 3rd eye has 20/20 vision and I was consistently seeing the red flags. I am not going to list the things I was picking up on here cause I don't want the other slimeballs out there to get a little "How to cheat better" refresher course out of my blog. But, if you are in anyway involved in an online relationship that is about to go REAL LIFE and don't feel things are right...I would definitely listen to your gut and intuition!
Ed asked me to move to Kansas with him to live in his big ol house he has all to himself and see where life takes us. I absolutely hate it here and have been wanting a change so figured ...EH, sure, let's try and if it's not what it is...then I'll start over there cause OMG, the cost of living is HELLA cheap and the thought of my kids growing up in a smaller town TOTALLY appeals to me.
So, the plan was to move to Kansas on June 6th. (Ed went so far as to send me a Uhaul confirmation he made.)
So, days pass.
FU HAPPENS, and BOOM it's my night to Disciple. I had spent the day plugging away at my "points to go" as did my friends. I decide to put up my last Happy Hour credit at 10pm my time (Ty Blueskyhere) to see if we couldn't knock it out. I had about 550,000 k to go.
I happen to scroll over Chris' (Tappinit's) blast and see he has a status set for me. Something like she's almost Disciple, go get her. So, I knew at that point he was willing to help and I needed all the help I could get. So, I unblocked him and shouted him to see if he had unblocked me and sure enough he had. I said, "For that status your are unblocked, now go rate my crap!" And he did. Time was winding down and it didn't look like I was going to make it so he started Blingin' my butter and we came so close!
My Happy Hour ended and I had 32k to go. UGH! Mine was the last Happy Hour of the day so I figured it would sit until morning. Thank you to my awesome friend Tapper for the Bling that finished it off so ...YAY...Disciple.
Right now...Disciple seems completely insignificant. The events over the last month have completely put into perspective for me how childish people here are. (Not all, not what I am saying...but many.) My self esteem is completely in tact. I don't need to log into Fubar to have it stroked. I love me. Please don't ask me how it feels to be Disciple. It would be like asking me how it felt to be the Thimble when I played a game of Monopoly. I am just a pawn here.
NOW, I do value...more than you could possibly know...the real friends I have made here.
Anyway, that's getting all emotional and a little off the informative and factual. So getting back.
So, Chris and I were talking again. I had no idea it was going to turn into a 4 and a 1/2 hour phone call about EVERYTHING!
I am happy to inform you that the "I am lying to myself and you when I tell you I love you" line was a LIE! Not that I am glad he lied...BUT, it crushed me when he told me that. I think most of you know how much I truly love him.
It was good to hear how he knew he made a mistake, how much he misses me, how he loves me, and how he is MISERABLE! Yes, I said it. I am glad he is miserable. Do I want him to stay miserable...of course not. I love him, he loves me. Many of you are asking can Chris and I fix us. For all you catty bitches that were glad to see this fail...there are 10x more that wanted to see this work.
"Ken and Barbie", "Cutest couple ever", "Meant to be"... just some of the things we each hear on a daily basis. I miss him, I miss his children, I miss US! Did I pretend I didn't, ....well of course...how else do you function?
So anyway....we talked about Ed, Kansas, and the move. I told him things weren't right. That I knew something was up. We talked, and talked, and talked and eventually... at 5:30 am decided we needed to sleep!
I crashed and he didn't. He got up and started digging. I had given him the info I had. Name, Address, etc.
Well I woke up to find out he had found via public records in Butler County, Kansas the deed to Ed's house. WITH HIS WIFES NAME ON IT!
Now, we didn't panic at this point. We only decided it was time to find out more. I started digging as Chris was on the road for work and uncovered a SHITLOAD of stuff. I managed to make contact with his wife and her and I spent nearly the entire afternoon and evening on the phone.
He has been married for four years, has 3 children, no income and 1 bag of personal effects to call his own!
I introduced Chris to Julie (Ed's wife) on the phone and we all had an illunimating conversation. When Chris hung up...Julie said, "There has to be hope for you two." (She had been told a little of the backstory. lol)
SO ED IS OVER! HIS WIFE HAS CONTROL OF HIS FUBAR! There's a blog with some great comments if you would like to go check it out. (DJ TWIZTID)
I hope and pray that she kicks him out for good as she sounds like an amazing person and certainly doesn't deserve a using scumbag like that in her life.
Chris said he made a huge mistake letting me go. (BUT WE KNEW THAT RIGHT. *wink*) It was good to hear how much he loved me and good to hear he's had many sleepless nights. I do and have too. For all those that have shouted and said now you two can make it right....I dunno whether that will happen...ya'll will have to wait and see.
WOW! Are you still absorbing? That was a lot out of me this morning but it probably answers a lot of questions.