XHerBlahhnessX's blog: "About Me"

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Used by Nelson Mandela in his 1994 inaugural speech

ARE YOU: 1. Obsessed with sex? At times... 2. Are you tall? Not too tall & not too short :) 3. In your pajamas? Night gown 4. Left handed? My dad is... me not so much LAST: 1. Friend you saw: Darrin 2. Talked to on the phone: Diablito 3. Person to text you: Diane 4. Was today better than yesterday: Ummm not so much... bout the same FAVORITE: 1. Number: 3 2. Season: Spring/Summer QUESTIONS & ANSWERS: Q: What was the first thing you did this morning when you got up? A: Stretched out in the recliner Q: Do you have anything bothering you? A: A lil bit yeah tho its not just one thing... Q: What's the last movie you watched in theaters and who'd you watch it with? A: National Treasure: Book of Secrets; My younger brother, Older sis with her hubby & nephew Q: Where is the last place you went? A: Movies Q: Do you smile often? A: Some days Q: Do you wish upon stars? A: Every once in a while Q: Where did you sleep last night? A: In a recliner Q: Why did you sleep there? A: The guest bedroom isn't finished yet and don't have the gas to drive back and forth right now between homes Q: When was the last time you cried? A: Over a week ago... dam emotions Q: What are you about to do? A: Ummm after this? Call Diablito and head to bed Q: What do you hear right now? A: My playlist going - Still Not A Player- Big Pun Q: What's your favorite month? A: June Q: How many kids do you want/have? A: Thinking maybe 3 max TEN FACTS 1. Best friend: 2. Natural hair color: When I was lil it was blond but now its darkened up 3. Height: 5'7" 4. Eye color: Blue with specks of gray & green 7. Lefty/Righty: Righty 8. Favorite color: Pink 9. Most important thing in the world: My family 11. Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurt? Almost unbearable at times 12. Are you a frog? No am the mother effin princess :P 13. Have you ever had your heart broken? Couple of times... steal healing from old wounds 14. Have you ever broken someone else's heart? Its happened 15. If you could go back in time and change things would you? Definitely 16. Do you think you're a good bf/gf? I know I am and can be tho not so sure bout the men anymore... 17. Do you believe that everyone deserves a second chance? Not always... Specially if trust has been broken some times you just hafta walk away and not look back 18. Ever liked someone else's boyfriend or girlfriend? I try to steer clear of those types... I prefer my guy that I like be single for the most part before I start investing interest 19. Like anyone right now? I like all my friends :) 20. Do they like you back? Am pretty sure they do or they wouldn't be reading this to get to know me better :D 21. Whats the longest text you have ever gotten? I don't text really cus I don't have a cell right now 22. What did you do LAST night? Chilled at parents house 23. How do you feel right now? Sleepy but wanting to finish this FIRSTS: 24. First piercing: My ears when I was 3 25. First failing grade: Hmmmm prolly for math?? 26. First sport you joined: Didn't go out 27. First pet: A kitty 28. First vacation: Oklahoma 30. First crush: Lou Phillip Diamond... just loved the movie La Bamba CURRENTLY 49. Eating: No 50. Drinking: No 52. I'm about to: Post this and call it a night 58. Want kids? Someday ideally after I'm married 59. Want to get married? When the right man comes along and makes me want to marry him by showing me he's worth it HAVE YOU EVER: 78. Kissed a stranger: Yes 79. Drank bubbles: No 80. Lost glasses/contacts: Haven't needed them 84. Broken someone’s heart: It's happened 85. Been in trouble with the cops: Never 86. Turned someone down: A couple of times 87. Cried when someone died: My younger sis 88. Lost a friend: Some come & go am use to it by now DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 89. The Easter Bunny: No 90. Miracles: God blesses us everyday 91. Love at first sight: I always say that you can love someone when you first see them but there is no guarantee that they are gonna love you back or stay in love... 93. Santa Claus: No learned early on there was no Santa 95. Kiss on the first date: If its a really good date and there is chemistry :D 96. Killing someone to save a loved ones life: Depends... 98. Do you think its an addicts fault they are addicted?: To a point yes cus its all about choices their willing to make but then dealing with addiction is never a easy or fast. 100. Yourself: I try 101. God: Most definitely

Please don't say I love you, Those words touch me much too deeply They make my core tremble I don't think you realize the power you have over me So please don't come so close It just makes me want you near me always Please don't kiss me so sweet It makes me crave a thousand kisses to follow And please don't touch me like that It makes every other embrace seem pale and shallow Please don't look at me like that It just makes me want you near me always Please don't send me flowers They only whisper the sweet things you'd say Please don't try to understand me Your hands already know too much about me It just makes me want you near me always And when you look into my eyes Know my heart is in your hands It's nothing that I can understand Because when I’m in your arms You have complete power over me So be gentle if you please because You hands are in my hair, and my heart is in your teeth It makes me want you near me always It makes me want to feel complete UNLESS your intentions are completely genuine!!!! Got from Dan The Man's profile - http://fubar.com/user/1097041

A bulletin of hers from Myspace - I know I'm young an naive. Its no excuse for my behavior sometimes though. I'm very protective of MY things and MY people. I really don't know where I'm GOING with this blog, but I feel to the need to spill my guts - BlAH I've come to realize with the help of my girl Nancy (( LOVE YOU )) that you cant control the past, the past is the past and you have to make of it what you will. Whether you like it or not, its something that has happened. You can either let it go, or be a mind control freak and keep yourself down because of it. Things from someone ELSE'S past shouldn't bother me. Nor should MY past bother anyone else right? I've now become a firm believer of the following: The past is the past. Cut ties with those who DON'T matter, and don't hurt those in the future by keeping the past ALIVE. " It is what it is " - I, 99% of the time can't stand this phrase for the simple fact, people use it in the wrong manner. ( I just fuck her/him, it is what it is, etc. ) If your romantically involved with someone - its doesn't mean you have to come before EVERYTHING && EVERYONE else. When someone you love denies you sex / intimacy - they're most likely cheating. You will NEVER forget your first true love. Stupid little things will make you think of them. Don't tell your current significant other about this, its totally IRRELEVANT - everyone has private thoughts. I also highly doubt your current love wants to hear about how your ex would giggle and wiggle her nose the same way you did, or how he would call you the SAME nicknames. Being an " attention whore " online is just as bad as doing it in person. It shows very low self - esteem. Get a hobby! Sleeping with 23823849023904823094 people before getting involved in a relationship IS ok. Regardless girl or guy. We only live once. (this is where the whole PAST IS THE PAST comes in) Stereotype!- I personally like this one, I will be the very first one to admit I'm a stern practicer of this. If I see a Barbie doll looking girl - I, like the rest of the female fetal world will call her a " HOE / WHORE ". People stereotype me, why cant I do it to them?. I would do it to their face as well. The line "I cant make you happy unless I can make myself happy" - This line is complete and utter BULLSHIT my friends (Misery loves company, remember that.) I can be completely down and I know I would certainly go out of my way to TRY and make the other person happy REGARDLESS. Its one of the definitions of love - NOT OO BUTTERFLIES IN MY STOMACH WHEN I SEE HIM!! Theres comes a time... - There comes a time when the partying needs to stop going down EVERY weekend. The occasional shit show here and there is fine. We all deserve a drink ( or bong, or line - whatever you fancy ). A. There comes a time in your life where you will let ( yes, LET - don't lie and say O I don't mind cuz u KNOW your ass does ) your significant other go out 4x's a week and not worry. No sense in worrying if they're going to cheat. They're going to do it regardless. B. There comes a time where you will just NOT give a shit about ANYTHING. Try not to make this TOO obvious to your other. It will make them feel less inferior. Also, you WILL no doubt get this thrown in your face... " Well, if you don't give a fuck ... why should I? " Believe me, you better have an EXCELLENT answer as well - the wrong one could change your life forever. Going on a " BREAK " is the SAME as breaking up. If your on a break - shit, go fuck someone else guilty free. Whats the difference? Anyhow these are just some of my insights - feel free to add any!

Sweet dreams of you Every night i go through Why cant i forget you and start my life anew Instead of having sweet dreams About you You don't love me its plain I should know I'll never wear your ring I should hate you the whole night through Instead of having sweet dreams about you Sweet dreams of you Things i know cant come true Why cant i forget the past Start loving someone new Instead of having sweet dreams About you

Love. Love. Love - My family. friends. making new friend. being faithful. spring, summer. the colors: pink, red, cream, blue, green, purple, black, orange, silver. sleeping in. late nights talking on the phone. sweet dreams. cute men with nice butts. shopping at Walmart. Taco John's chicken & potatoe ole burritos, nacho cheese & mild sauce for potatoe oles, super nacho platter. cream soda, dr. pepper, dr. slice, mr pibs, sprite. the smell of fresh clover, cut grass, roses, lillies of the valley. playing pool. my yahoo rare. myspace. pillow book. chocolate pudding, pistachio pudding, strawberry yogurt, chocolate fountains, strawberries dipped in chocolate banana splits, twists, mint chip, banana slpit ice cream. strawberry zinphindale wine, drunk dialing. unlimited long distance. prank calls. being quiet on 3 way calls hehe shhh. inside jokes. the fact that some friends mistake my mom & me on the phone through our voices. most reality tv shows, dr. phil, oprah, the cw, channel surfing. little kings, domino's thin crust supreme with NO onions or peppers, casey's hamburger, black olive, & mushroom pizza. chatting online. going to see movies. sleep overs. pillow fights. singing with my songs. singing kareoke or listening to friends sing while drunk. picture taking, after parties. smell of him with colone on - miss it. cruising arround. taking walks. sitting by my secret pond & thinking. memories of my lil sister. my lil niece with her laugh and smile. star gazing on warm clear nights. going to museums. visiting a zoo. dancing. picnics. shopping at gateway mall. snuggling under my quilt. washing my clothes in tide & snuggle. coloring. drawing. love letters. perfume that suits me. some make up. playing agrivation with my sister. playing pitch with the gang. diners at my sister's house. hot tubbing at my sisters. swimming. staying in nice hotels. massages. aroma therapy. getting pedicures & manicues. cooking some, getting good recipes, taking quizzes & surveys. icons I can relate to. saving funny pics. photobucket. slide.com. bottled water. victoria secret. pretty langerie. me in my smaller size jeans. cuddling on the couch watching a movie or tv. laying in bed snuggled watching tv. flat screen hd lcd plasma tvs. play station 3. candle light. moon light. slow screws, screw drivers - oj & vodka, blow job shot, jaiger shots, fuzzy navel, strawberry daquaris, strawberry marguritas. kitties. black labs. lil tea cup yorkies. hearts. pearl necklace & earings. diamonds. eternity band. marque cut. dreaming of my wedding day. my class ring. cosmo magazine. flirting. feeling pretty. being called beautiful & them meaning it. being looked at in a loving way. hearing I love you. feeling loved. laughing. running my hands through his hair. having my hair tussled & played with. getting high lights. having my hair trimmed up. looking into his eyes. staring at him while am in love. reading a good story. writing love letters, being understood. being able to open up to someone. shaved legs, smooth legs after I put lotion on them. affection. romance. holding hands. hugging. kisses on my forhead. making out. being held. kisses on my neck. four play, oral. pleasing my partner. sex that lasts til both are satisfied. being on top. laying on stomache. legs on shoulders. doggy. sex in the bedroom. sex in new places. spicing up the sex life. sunday night sex show. bliss. flashing once in a great while. bubble baths in jet tub with bubble mat, romantic movis. comedies. caramel centered champs. keeping a journal off and on.

Hate.Hate.Hate - Onions. the smell of sammon soup, guys farts, manure. horror movies. scary shows. being scared. pepsi. coke. nightmares. pricks. asswholes. being used. whores that have already shit on a guy twice breaking his heart. whores who steal ur guy. a guy who is keeping things from me & not being completely honest about shit that I ask him about. when a guy is defending a whore cus he thinks she's his "friend". when a guy is hiding his true feelings. when a guy falls out of love with you. guys who lie to themselves about things. when a BOY is claiming to be a Man but is NO where near close to being that dam mature & later admits that. disloyalty. liars. cheaters. people bad mouthing you beind your back. sneaky bastards that just couldn't let that one incident go. being talked down to. heartbreak. heartache. the song lips of a angel. prejudice. racism. wanting to but not being over certain issues. controlling mothers. beer - makes me wanna puke. needles. being ignored. sex that lasts 10 minutesn if that. stuck up bitches. stuck up pricks. fake ass people. parents fighting. fighting with someone I care about. fucked up fathers. selfish people. not being able to count on certain people. being called fat or ugly. being called a sex freak for having a high sex drive. calling me a nag & that I am like his mother, people being shallow, waiting for certain people to sign onto yim. being left out. when grandparents show more attention and affection to other cousins. cramps. bloating. pms. being broke. not having a warm to hot shower. not having a jet tub in my bathroom. the back yard still being a mess. the feeling that am gonna end up alone. not being able to drive. guys who don't want to dance while ur at a dance or club. too many tatoos. cracked out looking guys who think they have a shot with me. whores that stab u in the back & sleep with ur first not long after you leave. guys that try to control you. whiney ass men who complain too much. bitchy teachers. when my mom or sister bitches me out. people being too dam nosey about my business. everyone seeming to know ur business. internet not working. computer fucking up. not having the confidence that I want. living in a town with hardly any convience. stores arround here not staying open after 6pm. having to drive 40, 70, to 100 miles just to do anything decent. gas prices. sunday drivers. old people with brand new cars. dumbasses who can't drive. cold nights & no one I care about to snuggle with me. not being in love. having to make the first move most of the time. using I wanna fuck you more then I want you or lets make love. the feeling of just being a fuck buddy. fuck buddies. a guy thats being cheap. a guy going into debt over a chick. one sided conversations. violence. someone dieing. losing loved ones. losing a close friend. missing people too much. waiting to know a out come. guys being pervs about my yahoo rare. guys wanting to cyber when I am not interested. chrismas songs taking over radio stations. the tickle in my tummy from going over railroad tracks. ice storms. icy roads. falling forward or backwards. going down stairs too fast. sink full of dishes, loads of laundry, mopping, unfinished repairs on my home, taxes, when nothing good is on tv. dreary cloudy days. loud obnoxious drunks besides myself. my older sister going through old note books & poems and giving me crap about it. my older brother teasing me bout the song "Too Sexy". people who don't listen. people who move when I go to take a picture. pictures out of focus. not having plans for a long time. being alone for too long. unresolved issues. slow days. days off going by so fast. how certain people in ur life can just not care. people who log out without a word. when people leave out of my life. the feeling I still love him. when my phone dies and needs charged in the middle of a conversation. my yim logging out & in on me.

1. I wear my heart on my sleeve and when sum1 has it they have my whole world that am trying to trust them not to shatter... but has happened to me least twice in my life now sooo guess am use to it by now. 2. I may have a tough exterior at times but underneath is the softest of all hearts & bellies... I can be real fragile to say the least and you may not even be expecting that from me. 3 When I am at my quietest my mind is racing with thoughts... sometimes this is not good for you. 4. I live on my own in a home not far from my parents for now that I closed on back in October. I am sooo happy to be an adult and have a mortgage finally!! 5. Greece would be a place that'd I take a trip to right now. Get away for a month and off this continent away from stupid heartache. Go sailing & let hot greek guys hit on me. Smash a few plates on the floor while saying "Opah!!" & getting smashed myself off of some great Ouzo ;) 6. My younger sister passed away when she was 13. She had a bad medication reaction to a drug called Augmenton when she was 10. Which caused several auto-immune disoders and a 3 year battle until her heart gave out after she seemed like she was getting better... Is a whole long chapter of my life. 7. I LOVE Yahoo pool & play often. - Rackem Up Baby!! 8. Some of my bestest peeps are from Candy Store Rock - Big Ups to MH! & at one time Fool In The Rain :) RIP GoneWild 9. My parents are still married for now tho both have threatened divorce on several occasions... at their age might as well just stick it out til death... Or just leave!! 10. I have 2 of the Cutest nephews - Brandon who is 7 belongs to my older brother, and Gage who is 3 belongs to my older sister. 11. I call my lil niece Bella Belly Lauren cus she is sooo beautiful at a year old. She smiles at me all the time and melts my heart. I hope I have a daughter like her someday. Just not as rotten at times LoL She's my favorite niece cus she's my only niece for now hehe 12. I've been known to snort/laugh & I hate it but makes everyone around me crack up when I do it... especially when I try to stop and can't . 13. I still have a lot of memories from when I was little like 2 years old and living up in Millard with my family. Good Times that I miss dearly. 14. I crashed our riding lawn mower into the back of my older sisters parked car when I was 12 and busted up the plastic grill to it. My dad had thought it a great idea to get me driving early... Thanks Dad!! 15. In Home Ec when I was 13 I got labled as the "Baking Soda Queen" for putting 3/4 cup instead of 3/4 tea spoon into corn muffins... I've come along way from there tho and am not a decent cook I know I can throw down on breakfast at least!! 16. I use to like walking from my old house down and back from my parents. Felt like it was helping me shed lbs and keep in shape. 17. I weighed about 180 when I graduated lost over 60 lbs of it by the time I was 21 & maintained it until after I met my ex's parents and he went away for 4 months on deployment. I gained at least 30 lbs of it back from stress of worring bout him while he was over in qatar.. Now am slowing trying to losing it again cus am not with him anymore LoL 18. Sometimes I wish my family would just shut up and be there for me more... like with hugs and actually listening to me since my heart was broken. 19. I watch Dr. Phil sooo stfu!! It helps at times. LoL 20. I was 20 when I lost my virginity... It made me Love sex even more tho he shattered my heart the next day after. BTW I am NOT a fucking sex freak despite what anyone says dammit... Just cus they don't have as great a sex drive as mine doesn't mean shit to me nor should it mean that to the next guy I wanna be with!!!! 21. On my 21st birthday landed on a Weds. and I went up to the bar in town and had a total of 5 drinks with my older sister. No power hour for me really and was pathetic... Am hoping for a better time on my next birthday!! 22. On my 22nd birthday ended up at home drinking alone and fighting with a dumbass stalker ex friend at the time which caused me to change my number the next day and make it private. My bf was deployed & there were no friends I was talking to from around here that I could of gone out with... 23. I owned a web cam at one time... enough said 24. I was 19 when I smoked my first 2 joints... Sorry for leaving the window down... Thanks for making the "Jeepers Creepers" head come out of the wall & I still don't remember watching American Wedding with you & Danny! 25. If things don't come around soon am thinking of moving out to New Mexico. I'll finish & graduate from UCHA then start my own clinic up out there. 26. I feel that lieing & using whores are born & raised in Florida...think I am spiteful all u want but can't exscape the truth about her & it will hit him one day. 27. No more military men if I can help it.... 28. Love to eat Taco John's Chicken & Potatoe Ole Burritos!! 29. To me Village Inn has some of the best pies around here & if the waitress doesn't offer u some then it should be FREE!!!! 30. Can relax when the window is rolled down and the smell of fresh clover is drifting by me. One of my favorite smells as a lil one. 31. I had stone blonde hair up until I was about 4 years old then it started to darken. I even have some pics to prove it. 32. My first dog was a black lab puppy named queeny tho she died when we moved down from Millard... She was chasing a rabbit and got her head stuck in a pipe & couldn't get it out so she sufficated Tho she had a brother that we named Ace. He stayed in the family til I was 16. Both were dam good dogs. 33. The next dogs am gonna own are a lil Yorkie & another black lab. 34. I do most of my shopping at Walmart. 35. I have a eclectic taste in music: Oldies such as the Drifters, Hip Hop, R&B, Rock, Pop. I don't ever really think that I have a particular favorite. Long as it doesn't get on my nerves or is hard to listen to then will play it. 36. Will add more later I hope cus gotta go for now!!