a wonderful fact to reflect upon, that every human creature is constituted to be that profound secret and mystery to every other. a solemn consideration, when i enter that small, hypocritical town by night, that every one of those houses encloses its own secret; that every room encloses its own secret; that every heart beating in every one of the hundreds of thousands of chests, there is, in some of its imaginings, a secret to the heart closest to it. some that surpasses all evil, all negative emotions, even of death itself, is referable to this. no more can i look into the depths of this unfathomable water, wherein, as momentary lights glanced into it, i have had glimpses of buried treasures and other things submerged. it was appointed that the water should be locked in an eternal frost, when the light was playing on its surface, and i stood in ignorance on the shore. my friend is dead, my neighbor is dead, my soul is dead; it is the inexorable consolidation and perpetuation of the secret that was always in that individuality, and which i shall carry in mine to my life's end. in any of the burial places of this city through which i pass, is there a sleeper more inscrutable than its busy inhabitants are, in there innermost personality, to me, or than i am to them. what does this mean, you ask? instead of going into complete detail on what i was trying to say, im going to just give a word of advice, and i assume you all care, considering you are reading this....in a nutshell, life's a bitch. you will come across people who are hypocritical and fake and controlling and manipulative, but there is nothing in the world you can do to change them. even if you think things are going okay with them, as if everything that has happened in your pasts has been overlooked, do not let your gaurd down. because there are some people out there, whom you are meant to trust, that will rip you from limb to limb. cold hearted people that feel the need to crush every bit of your spirit in order to raise their confidence level. now maybe this makes me sound bitter, i am in no way bitter, im just tired. tired of letting people use me, tired of trying to make things work with her, but her controlling attitude pushes me deeper into the ground. i've tried to mend those bridges, i promise, but some people refuse to forgive. if anything i should be refusing to forgive her, for all the years i let her step on me, for all the years i said nothing. but life's cruel that way. i wish things could be different between us, but i've tried everything to make her love me, after all, she is the one person that is meant to love me, that is what God intended, am i right? maybe it's time to just throw in the towel and let our relationship dissolve for good.
