I woke up this morning, so tired that i could barely make it to the shower; but it didnt last, thoughts of the coming weeks came to me and all the exhaustion left. So much is happening right now, so much that ive been working towards for so long and now its all coming together; i cant help be be afraid.
I called my mother today; talked about everything on my mind, about work, the house, alli, everything and she kept saying the same thing - if God brings you to it, he will bring you through it. is it that simple? i have so many blessings, do i have the right to hope for more? to want more? is it not arrogance to look at all that i have and still ask for more?
I keep wanting. I keep hoping. I keep daring to ask for her. I can't seem stop; it's been so long of waiting that i forgot know how to not want her. Am i a bad person? Probably. I'd rather be bad and have her then good and lose her again.
Time will tell. Ten days to go; it feels like a clock in my head that gongs now and again and screams "IT'S ALMOST TIME". I'm nervous, excited, elated, afraid, concerned; but then i hear her voice and i know that it's all going to be okay. That's the real magic; how she can take away every doubt and all of the fears with one sentence.
The other magic is how she can sense when im needing to hear from her; and she logs in. She just logged in now....magic isnt it?
