Lishous's blog: "A little story"

My thought for today This morning I woke up to a VM from my mom apologizing for forgetting my bday AND that my "dad's" funeral was on my bday..... WTF? She didn't even tell me he DIED! I guess she said she sent it in a text, but for one WHO SENDS NEWS OF A DEATH OVER TEXT!! She should've call me...... :( Anyways, so his funeral was yesterday and I missed it.... I could've been there too. I don't know what worse, the fact I didn't know or the fact that if I did know, I could've.... no... SHOULD'VE been there. I hadn't seen him in a while... you never know when people are going to go. Everbody always thinks about time as infinite. Then somebody dies. You rethink everything, and realize that it's not. But everybody knows that thought doesn't last forever... after a few weeks or months you go back into the same thought of infinite time........ He wasn't ready yet. I know people think he is in a better place, but he wasn't an unhappy person. Not around me at least. He was always trying to make me laugh and make sure I was doing okay. I missed him so much and now I'm gonna miss him forever. Tomorrow is his memorial and I am not going to work at 5 n Diner so I can go. I know I just started but it's bad enough I missed his funeral. I don't know what else to say. I miss my Ray...... =( *In Memory of Ray Graham* Nicole's mom just told me "Born Into Eternal Life" In so many ways is that true. I love you and will miss you dearly Daddy Ray ~Lish~

I've had a really good week. I got two jobs now as opposed to being out of work the past month, and have just all around been smiling. Let's hope the good stuff keeps coming. My car isn't fixed yet, but it will be soon enough. Until then my mom was nice enough to lend me her truck. Not the nicest mode of transportation, but it's better than public! Things are going very well right now. Just thought I'd blog about it. lol. Those of you that know me or have talked to me know I'm always bitching about one thing or another. It's not as hot here in Phoenix anymore, starting to finally cool off! Yay! Time to throw those pool parties before it gets too cold (but who really knows cold around here!) Anyways, I'm off to bed and hope this weekend will be a great ending to an awesome week!

It's 7am. I slept for about 3.5 hours last night and it felt like the longest 3.5 hours in a long time. Meaning, I actually SLEPT. No tossing, turning, waking up every hour. When your used to sleeping next to somebody for about 5 years, it really changes your sleeping habits, well did for me anyways. It has to do with security, feeling safe. (not only that but I slept next to one of the cuddliest men I have ever met) It was.... comfortable. For almost a year now I have been dealing with going to sleep and waking up every hour or so and as time as moved on, "sleep" is a word I couldnt partake in. People think I'm lazy because I don't wake up until noon.... or so, but they have to understand I'm not sleeping for 10 hours, I'm TRYING to sleep for 8 and barely get that lol. I can say I'm in a good mood this morning and that never happens either. I usually get outta bed tired and restless..... It's gonna be a good day, my friend, yes it will. :)

I was reading some blogs a friend of mine has posted and realized that I shouldn't be ashamed or scared to put out there my experiences of life. I always though, what would my mom think? Would people judge me because of it? I figured out the answers are, "Who Cares?" I am me and if you can't accept it, too bad. I'm sick of this society being so judgemental on other's views, looks, and interests. So I'm not a super model, you don't like? Don't look at me. I'm not feminist and I actually LIKE to learn about cars and work on them. All of you people can fuck off, I don't need you as much as you don't need me. So end it, and go our seperate ways. I used to write alot growing up. Poetry, journals, short stories, you name it. Then I stopped for the fear that I might be judged and I put it on the back burner because "I didn't have time". Writing is my passion so I am going to try to start again. How am I supposed to get my emotions out if I don't write them down or talk about them. Not only that but I'm a natural red head, so eventually I will blow up and when I do, please stand back. lol. This is just a few things I had on my mind and hopefully I will be able to put down some stories and make this place for a journal than anything else. I was upset that I lost my priviledge to MUMM. Now I don't care because I don't need your opinions for my life. Either way I'm not going to listen to what you say anyways so there's no point. I'm just venting here. If you have gotten this far, thanks for reading. Have fun and I hope to be able to post more soon, something with meaning or an insight to how I feel or think. Lish