Name,
I am not sure where to start this... and I am not sure if any of this is as important as I give it favor to be. You once said something to me that I have been thinking about this evening. You said something about how the people in your life come in it for a reason a season or ... I cut you off, so I am not sure, but I believe the words torn from your mouth were going to be "for life". Unlike conversations I have with most others I truly hear your words and they stay with me. This may be something that makes you feel uncomfortable, and that is what is bothering me and the motivation behind why I am writing you. I do hear the words that you do not say to me. I can feel when I make you feel uncomfortable, and I am almost positive all of this makes you feel uncomfortable to some degree. These are my perceptions, and perhaps I am way off. While I hope that I am, I am almost positive I am not.
I want to tell you so badly about how much having you in my life means to me. I have never been impacted by a person so much in so little time. You are absolutely one of the most amazing people I have ever met. I have never felt someones eyes like I felt yours when they were learning me. Anyways I am not writing this to tell you how much you amaze me... in fact I feel that is what makes you feel so uncomfortable.
I think, and I over analyze everything in my life way too much. All of this thinking makes my life very complicated, when in actuality I merely want to make it simple. Perhaps the aforementioned is my downfall. Complacency however is not in my nature and you know this of me. I have explained to you before about how I picture my life going along two paths. On one path I find happiness, in that I find love and share my life with someone, perhaps a family. The other path is lonely but somehow happiness is found in giving my life for others. This is all that matters to me Shauna, the pursuit of this thing that I will never be able to completely define "HAPPINESS".
God this is all just a bunch of bullshit words... I just want to tell you that all I care about is you being happy. I understand why me showing you that I care about you scares you. I love having you in my life.... so much that it scares me. I know that all these things that I want will never come to be, and I am fine with it. Shauna, just knowing you, whether it be for a reason, a season or for life has been, is, and will always be an amazingly wonderful thing to me.
I truly cherish your friendship and I do not want that to come into jeopardy. I want you to feel comfortable with me. Know that I will never do anything you do not want me to, and I will never jeopardize your happiness in the life that you have. Never in a million years will I ever do anything to hurt you... and Shauna if this is all too much for you just let me know. Like I said before, all I want is for you to be happy.
ok now that I feel completely sick that I am sending this, I am going to hit send.
Sincerely, Samuel
