SYNONYMS FOR MASTURBATION Having a session with the wise master Hand start the one eyed yogurt thrower Memory Bank Spank Getting jiggy with it Cleaning the snorkel Mugging the Kojak Doll Giving flipper a backrub Making pudding' Shaking hands with Mr. Happy Making sewer babies Dating the palm sisters Cocking the Gun Filling up the belly button well Conditioning the leather Rubbing one off Satisfying King Solomon Inflating the Zeppelin Massaging the Marrionette, no strings attached Extracting a core sample Enforcing the "No Fly Zone" Digital Manipulation of the Coital Apparatus Testing out the magic love wand The Rise and Fall of Peter the Great Firing the Surgeon General Squeaky the squirrel Taking Herman to the circus Freeing the soldiers of love Boobytrapping a toilet seat Galloping the lizard Five finger boogie on the blue vein Tickling little Tommy behind the ear Walking the one eyed dog Making gravy Humping the old hand Greasing The Baseball Bat One man tug of War Hang The Hamster 5 Digit Disco Rocking the lil' man in the boat The disappearing cigar trick Male polishing the stinger Checking the tweeters Shaking hands with the wife's wedding present Launching the heat seeking moisture missile Filleting the trouser trout Jerking my johnson Lathering the Latin love lance Bending to the will of the one eyed purple warrior Spew from the column of delight Honking bobo Riding the one eyed wonder horse Saying hello to my little friend Prostate Maintenance Honking the burrito Pickle dancing Skipping rocks off the lake of love Shaving the cucumber Faxing a hard copy to the Castro Walking the dog Using the Force Flogging the dolphin Whipping up some baby batter Feeding your trouser-mouse Jolting the bean Cock the cannon Supply and Demand Putting mayo on the knuckle sandwich Doing the hand-jive Firing the photon torpedoes Shooting putty at the moon The sperm manicure Putting the dog's eye out Rubbing the nub Saying hi to big Jim and the twins Verifying your manhood Worshiping the fist prince Yanking the penal cord Flushing babies The two fisted monkey slap The blob blaster Spewing crude Wank your crank Skanking the pickle Smacking the pudge Unrolling the turtle neck Unsheathing the shlong Shining the helmet Dressing up like the mail man Spit shining the trophy Making love with miss Right Spin the humming top Letting off a few wrist rockets Freeing the Willies Petting the Parrot Punching the Munchkin Spanking the Monkey Slapping the Salami Choking the Chicken Caressing the Cucumber Doing the Mighty Wang Chung Shining the Shaft Tweaking the Totem Pole Lubricating the Piston Beating the Meat Arming the Torpedo Playing One Arm Bandit Playing One Eyed Bandit Playing the Skin Flute Fondling the Fountain Churning Butter It's the Middle School Rodeo Knuckle Shuffle on the Piss Pump Gushing the Geyser Milking the Heifer Squeezing the Squirrel Jerking Off Pulling the Pud Pulling a Pee-Wee Going Blind Growing Hair on the Palms Waxing the Dolphin Beating the Bishop Jerking the Gherkin Whacking Off Pounding the Pepperoni Cleaning the Canoli Special Saucing the Big Mac Fondling the Fahita Banging the Burrito Heisting the Jewels Hustling the Hog Waxing the T-Bird Polishing the Rocket Getting Your Pole Varnished Chaffing the chimp Making the Meat-Whistle Torching the Taliwacker Giving it a Tug Shaking Hands with the Unemployed Beating the boner Handling the hard on Yanking your chain Sanding the woody Lubricating the love stick Sharpening the pencil Tickling old one-eye Making the Cyclops fight the five headed monster until he cries Grabbing the grouse Spackling the ceiling Bopping the baloney Pumping the gas Draining the main vein Worshiping the finger prince Pumping the revolver Shooting the 6 shooter Polishing the family jewels Waxing your Rocket Spilling milk Working the glue stick Pleasing the turtle Playing "hookey" Walking the bearded one-eyed love dog Beating the piss outta my best friend Making a knuckle hot dog Cuffing the carrot Chugging the choo-choo Making "Love" in the hand Squeezing the cream out of the flesh Twinkie(tm) Making Johnny Walker red Playing Rumple Foreskin Wrestling the Bald Headed Champ Punching the Clown Plucking the duck Choking the snake Tugging the Tapioca Tube Getting to be better friends with Willy Stretching before strenuous exercise Taming Goliath Corralling the Tadpoles Jacking my Mule Flogging yer dummy Roughing up the suspect ('Cause you know he's guilty) Putting miles on your monkey Getting a little off-hand