It would be hard for me to be any more sarcastic than I already am. If you ever find yourself asking "was he serious?", I probably wasn't.

I feel it's a major waste of time and energy to spend time speaking negatively of others, so if you heard I said something negative about you, it probably isn;t true.

If I receive a spam comment, I will post something like on your page.

I make a pretty good living so it is unlikely I will ever ask you to borrow some money.

I have neither owned a Ford escort or slept with an escort.

While I don't have as many flaws as the average person, I do have one or two and don't really need them pointed out to me.

I will generally reply to any message longer than one sentence.

I have five dogs so if you'd like to stop by my house, you should probably call first.

I live by the philosophy that "if your girlfriend isn't made of rubber, you should be using one".

I didn't forget your birthday. You present just hasn;t arrived at your house yet.

If you have a blog, I may read it, but I will almost never have anything interesting or anything productive to say.

If you ask me a question, I will give you my honest opinion whether it is what you wanted me to say or not.

"I learned I shouldn't get high and come up with ideas... I should come up with ideas and then get high to reward myself."