A new form of Therapy
Current mood: creative
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes


I started writing last night- I started to think on my life and how I needed to focus it and make myself feel whole again. So here it is, the beginning of the first story I plan to complete by the end of this year, This 2007. Promising. I hope so. Enjoy- Comments please.





The moon was rising quickly with in the black night sky. The sweet orange seemed to bring out the bright stars that blinked and twinkled in an array of bright colors. Gretchen stood on the threshold, a steaming cup of coffee, held aloft in her hand as she allowed the sweet winter air to enter her lungs. She stepped down the stairs into the freshly fallen snow, her booted feet making it crunch as she walked. So many decisions to make, so little time to think, and yet… She stood still her dark hair falling softly from the ponytail that was loosely held back from her face. Sighing, she tilted her softly curved heart shaped face up to the sky, soft snowflakes dropping across her freckled skin, bringing out a chilled blush. Tears seemed to coat her eyelashes, as they swam within in the large brown eyes. Watching, waiting, as they suddenly fell down her young round cheeks. She always had youth in her face, even now, as troubles etched their marks beneath her eyes and around her full pink lips. Biting at her bottom lip softly, she tried to stop the trembling in her chin, before heading back toward the front door.

The children were tucked into bed for two hours now, and the hour was no later from the last time she checked. Her mind was on one thing, and one thing alone, her broken marriage and her broken heart. Tears seemed to flow freely these days and whenever she thought back on the past years, she just couldn't grasp where it could have all gone so wrong. Where did the road lead them away from each other? Her marriage had it's ups and downs, but what marriage didn't? Especially one where both parties were still so young. She had guessed they had their differences, Gabriel and she, but it wasn't like it was unfixable. She sighed, wiping the new wetness from her cheeks as she moved back through the kitchen to finish her cup of coffee. The house was scattered with boxes, some filled some half empty, as she once again prepared for a move. A move to a new life. A life she wasn't yet sure she was ready to venture into. A life without him. Everyone told her what was meant to happen, yes, she knew she had to move on and get over it. Get over the end of her marriage, over the man she had felt was the one she would be with forever. She was sure they were all hoping she would just stop bitching and crying. Yes, that was it, they all had it with her needing them there for when she needed to vent. 'Fine.' She thought as she made her way to the sink. 'I will stop.' Gretchen was bitter these days, she had tried the blame game, she had stood there cursing him and his need to want her to be perfect. Her perfection a minor detail that made her no longer worthy of his love. No longer worthy to bear his children or to spend the rest of her days watching him grow old and getting to love all the more the little details that made him worth her time and energy. Gretchen placed the mug in the sink and stared absently at the glowing light above it. 'You little light, would have not been on, were Gabriel here.' She thought, remembering his constant need to bark orders and tell her to jump up and close doors and shut off lights. It annoyed her, but at times made her laugh. Standing at the sink now, made her cry, as she remembered the way he used to come up behind her, kissing her neck and getting a quick feel before he went to change out of his work clothes. Then she thought bitterly on their last argument. Had she not been making an effort, had she not already been looking for work to help him out? His constant pestering had her in tears at night, wondering if maybe she truly was unworthy of him. 'I'll never be anything but an imperfect out of work, lazy person.' She thought as she turned away and went to her room. Where their bed stood, waiting her, cold and lonely. She thought of all her friends and family had to say about him, and then she thought of the constant need to justify his actions. Even now, as she sat broken and lost, she defended him. She defended his motive and the fact she still believed he was faithful.

Gretchen thought she knew him, at least part of him. That man, she learned to love and care for, so many years before. She thought about the way they spent learning about each others bodies. Lost in their own world. They had spent that summer falling madly, deeper into the love they already had for one another. They spent the next year, getting to know the people they wanted to spend forever with. They brought into the world, new life, a new love, in their first son. They learned about each others downfalls, their pain, and they worked through it. They gathered the courage to live and to love, and to get a life outside their own protected walls, into the real life of a married couple. She remembered the day they exchanged vows, the way they looked into each others eyes and were so certain they knew what they wanted in their life, each other. In fact, Gretchen knew that was what she wanted, all those years ago. Him. Their son, their life. Together. She had been uncertain, so uncertain, until the day Alexander was born. He was a strong child, but she had felt life nearly leave her, and watched as Gabriel fussed and worried and came to her side no matter what she said or did. She saw in his eyes, a man, who loved her, and felt his love. Now she wondered, was it soon after they moved into their own home? Was it after she had their second son? Had her inability to do multiple tasks outside the home as well as in, that brought him to decide to go? Or was it someone else? Did someone else offer all the things she couldn't? Did someone else show him there was more to life, then her love? Gretchen didn't want to believe that, but her mind was going that way. In fact she was certain of little these days and couldn't allow him to blame her for his taking of her love away. 'How could he stop loving me, yet my love just seems to follow me everywhere?' She asked herself as she pulled her clothing off and moved toward the steamy shower. Her head clouded with thoughts, thoughts of him, thoughts of the move. Of the house she never even saw but signed her life over for. Gretchen sighed as she let the hot water hit her skin, and seep through her hair.