An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says,"Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is admitted. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and, as is the wont for engineers, starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and asks,"So how's it going down there in hell?"Satan replies,"Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flushing toilets and working escalators, and there's no telling what an engineer is going to come up with next." God replies,"What You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says,"No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says,"Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers,"Yeah right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"
Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single.One day, the millionaire decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces,"My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars, or my daughter, to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!" As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash in the pool. The guy in the pool was swimming with all his might, and the crowd began to cheer him on. Finally, he made it to the other side of the pool unharmed.The millionaire was impressed. He said,"That was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?" The guy catches his breath, then says,"Listen, I don't want your money! And I don't want your daughter! I want the asshole who pushed me in the pool!"
