When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Douglas Walton Douglas Walton doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Douglas Walton has allowed to live. Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Douglas Walton Douglas Walton does not sleep. He waits. Douglas Walton is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. Douglas Walton is the reason why Waldo is hiding. Douglas Walton counted to infinity - twice. There is no chin behind Douglas Walton beard. There is only another fist. When Douglas Walton does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down. Douglas Walton is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head. Douglas Walton hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush. There is no such thing as global warming. Douglas Walton was cold, so he turned the sun up. Douglas Walton can lead a horse to water AND make it drink. Douglas Walton doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is. Douglas Walton gave Mona Lisa that smile. Douglas Walton ` once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. Crop circles are Douglas Walton way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down. Douglas Walton is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Douglas Walton out. It failed miserably. Contrary to popular belief, Douglas Walton, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield. Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes.Douglas Walton has 72... and they're all poisonous. If you ask Douglas Walton what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face. Douglas Walton drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls. When Douglas Walton sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Douglas Walton has not had to pay taxes, ever. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Douglas Walton fist. Douglas Walton invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear. CNN was originally created as the "Douglas Walton Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time. Douglas Walton can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Douglas Walton allows to live. Douglas Walton once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. What was going through the minds of all of Douglas Walton victims before they died? His shoe. Douglas Walton is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. Police label anyone attacking Douglas Walton as a Code 45-11.... a suicide. Douglas Walton doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out. Douglas Walton doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them. A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Douglas Walton and that you will be handicapped if you park there. Douglas Walton will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia. Someone once videotaped Douglas Walton getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Masacre. If you spell Douglas Walton in Scrabble, you win. Forever. Douglas Walton originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Douglas Walton replied, "That's no glitch." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Douglas Walton once and he will roundhouse you in the face. The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Douglas Walton played in second grade. Douglas Walton once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" Douglas Walton once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Douglas Walton re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer. Douglas Walton has two speeds: Walk and Kill. Someone once tried to tell Douglas Walton that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a dougtatorship. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Douglas Walton once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate. Douglas Walton is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Douglas Walton Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Douglas Walton warm-up exercises. Douglas Walton is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face. In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Douglas Walton turned that wine into beer. Douglas Waltoncan hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?" Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Douglas Walton Douglas Walton discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Douglas Walton is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Douglas Waltonroundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking. Douglas Walton doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths. The Douglas Walton military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Douglas Walton could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Douglas Walton could use to kill you, including the room itself. According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Douglas Walton walks. Douglas Walton does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them. Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Douglas Walton gave them a roundhouse kick to the face. When Douglas Walton goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket. There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Douglas Walton has breathed on. Douglas Walton once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Douglas Walton won by 5. Douglas Walton was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Douglas Walton gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries. Douglas Walton sheds his skin twice a year. Chuck Norris Rap