You know you're a submariner's wife if....




1. You use the words poopie suit, duty, head, cover, O dark thirty and field day in a non perverse way on a daily basis.
2. You lost count of the number of times you've been on board "The world's most powerful warship"
3. You know what time the mid watch is.
4. You've stayed awake during the mid watch to talk to your husband on the phone.
5. You've eaten in crews mess and wonder how they could mess up a salad. ( one kind of dressing and one vegetable-somebody stop me)
6. You've super glued, ironed on, or velcroed a patch onto a uniform.(or conned the local seamstress to make it right by tomorrow and she gets double the price)
7. You've lived in any or all of the following cities; Norfolk,Va (Hampton Roads)Kingsland, GA, Groton, CT, Bangor, WA, Saratoga, NY, San Diego,CA
8. You think day after duty is a special holiday.
9. You know the difference between a mini day-,liberty after field day and fast cruise.
10. You're husband has ever uttered the words "I'm not at liberty to say"
11. You can pack a sea bag in under 10 minutes.
12. You know what a TLD, LES, and TVQ are, but you don't know what the letters stand for.
13. You've stood on the beach/pier despite snow, rain, or sand gnats to watch the boat pull in.
14. Anything less than 30 days doesn't really count as an underway.
15. The other crew/division always get the better deal.
16. You know at least 10 guys you would consider friends of the family and yet you still don't know their first name.
17. You send emails religiously to a system you know is broken.
18. You expect an email everyday from a system you know is broken.
19. You've spent more months of your marriage apart than you have together.
20. You've actually grown to like sleeping alone despite the fact you know you are married and he will possibly share that bed 110 days of 365.(only if he is 4 section duty)
21. You use a phone tree.
22. You have your ombudsman's number programmed into your phone only because “something might happen and she is your only contact that can successfully reach the captain”
23. You know what "boat smell" is.
24. You know what month it changes from dress whites to dress blues and back again.
25. You give him a kiss and a smile when you drop him off at the turn styles and wonder why surface fleet entries aren’t the same.
26. You know what it means when your child says “daddy has duty ..again?? and proceed to take all their frustrations out on you”

27.You know the difference between 3 section and 4 section duty.

28. You’re strong enough to say ‘No honey, go out in port , enjoy yourself , you deserve it and patiently wait thru the 20 hour difference in time zones to tell him our child puked all over me during the 10 hr wait in the naval hospital emergency room as you fight to scream “I’m tired and this is HIS child” !!!!

29. You can honestly accept phone calls, snail mail and web-cams are purely a surface fleet luxury.

30. You have told a creditor “No really, I don’t have power of attorney because he had to work every day until O dark 30 for 6 weeks prior to this deployment but if you want your money you better tell me what the problem is “.

31.You look at your cat or dog as a “Partner in life”

32. You’ve listened to a surface fleet wife say “it’s been 2 days and I haven’t heard anything from him” and you wanted to punch her.

33. You have asked the toilet “Why do you do this every time he leaves”

34. You’ve told your boss after the school calls “You just don’t get it….I’m a single parent regardless of the fact I am wearing a wedding band and the DNA tests proved it is his baby too”

35. You have told your child’s therapist “ You’re kidding, who would have thought “after a diagnosis of separation anxiety and lack of communication .

36. You go in debt after convincing yourself that spending money in the 6 months of silence is justified regardless of the fact they were “on a mission”

37. You had good intentions by viewing the Elmo version of Talk ,listen and connect and your toddler screams and cries for the next hour about how he/she can’t see daddy on the computer. (maybe we can suggest a little more command specific videos..we can’t all live the surface fleet life)

38. You check your email every 10 minutes by hitting the send and receive button convincing yourself it has to be the server.

39. Your local blockbuster employees know you by name and talk about how you have no life with your excessive online/in–store rentals not to mention how many times you say “if your daddy was here you would’nt acting like this” !!!

39.You continue to miss and love the absent best friend and husband you know that endures the bare minimum of life’s luxuries to keep his family and this country safe.

39. You have accepted the fact that no one will ever understand the loneliness, pain and suffering your heart endures no matter how much they say “ I can imagine what it must feel like”

40. Your husband/mate keeps a watch that counts down his time until shore duty/EOS to the second. ( Generally mentioned within the first 2 minutes of call after a month of silence)

41. You spend a majority of the time answering “ I don’t know” to the following questions “when will he be home” Will you make it for the wedding” Can we book the hotel rooms for you now? ”Will you be here for the family reunion” “Will you make it to see us this year”??

41.You know the homecoming in a submariner’s life is the one thing that makes it justified and how many hours you spend picking out the right outfit no matter how unrecognized by the media.



Love your submariner’s, chances are they are thinking of you right now..in the silent, cramped rack they seek solidarity in.