A Christmas Story'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed.He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!I've busted my ass for damn near a year,Instead of 'Thanks Santa'--what do I hear?The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.And just when I thought that things would get betterThose assholes from the IRS sent me a letter,They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funnyWho the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?And the kids these days--they all are the pitsThey want the impossible--Those mean little shitsI spent a whole year making wagons and sledsAssembling dolls...Their arms, legs and headsI made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them,They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM!Flying through the air...dodging the treesFalling down chimneys and skinning my kneesI'm quitting this job there's just no enjoymentI'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.There's no Christmas this year now you know the reason,I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season

The First ThanksgivingAlthough historical accounts have pointed to feasts of thanksgiving as early as 1565 in the New World, the celebration that has traditionally been deemed"The First Thanksgiving" occurred in 1621. In 1620, the Mayflower landed in Plymouth, Massachusetts. It held colonists, later known as Pilgrims, who had left England in search of greater religious freedom. Unfortunately, the Pilgrims arrived in December, and many of the new colonists did not survive the harsh winter. With the help of local Native Americans, they were able to plant crops in the spring of 1621, and thus enjoyed a bountiful harvest. With the crops assuring a better winter, the Pilgrims planned a feast of thanksgiving. Rhonda: It is this image of colonists and members of the Wampanoag tribe enjoying a meal together and giving thanks for the fruits of the land that has served as inspiration for the holiday to this day.Rhonda: Now you know a piece of american history

Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office... But she was dating someone else.One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, 'I'll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you...The girl looked at him, and then said, 'NO!'Eddie said, 'I'll be real fast. I'll throw themoney on the floor, you bend down and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up.'She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend...So she called him and explained the situation.Her boyfriend says, 'Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down.'She agreed and accepts the proposal.Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks, 'Whathappened...?' Still breathing hard, she managed to reply,'The bastard had all dimes!'Management lesson: Always consider a business proposition in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed.

maj dont have an accent

whats up Mark?