5 Duties Of A Husband
1- Love her
The first duty of a man to his woman, or a husband to his wife, is to love her. Now, you might say, "Well, that goes without saying! Move on to number two!" However, what goes under the name of love has little to do with love. The word 'love' has become a misunderstood word. For example, people say, "I love my job. I love my home. I love chocolate cake." Generally what they are talking about is what those things do for them. "The home makes me comfortable. The cake satisfies my sweet tooth. The work satisfies my desire for a career." The word 'love' has become a word to describe the lusts of the flesh, and nothing more.
You can only measure love by your sacrifice, not by your enjoyment. That is, the sacrifice that you make for the betterment of someone else. If you talk about loving your wife, and you mean by that that she does a lot of good things for you, that's not love. That's her loving you. To say that a man loves his wife is to talk about the sacrifice that you make for her. That is Love.
2- Sanctify her
If you love her, you have to be her sanctifier. What's a sanctifier? The word "sanctification" means "to set apart for special use." That is, to place this woman in a unique category and take her from where she is to where she needs to go. It is called the process of sanctification or spiritual growth. When she shows you her problems, you now become Mister fix-it. That's what it means to love. What many men want to do is marry as though they're at the end of the relationship, when you get married you're only at the beginning of the relationship. And your job is to take it from where it is to where it ought to go because you are the sanctifier.
The husband is the sanctifier and the husband's job is to work with his wife in such a way that she begins to see a changes taking place in her life. When she needs strength, you are her strength. When she needs encouragement, you are her encouragement. When she needs joy, you are her joy. When she needs peace, you are her peace. So that no matter how old she gets, she's kept eternally young because she's got a sanctifier in the house. You are her makeup. When the world crashes in on her, you are there. You are to be her power base. You are to be her strength. When she goes off, you are the ever standard one who maintains his cool even though she lost hers.
3- Nourish her
A man who knows how to nourish and satisfy a woman. Now, the natural man thinks of 'sex' when he hears that. "Bring 'em on! I am the satisfier. Come here baby! Poppa will satisfy you! Yes I will!" Any man who talks that way doesn't know what he's talking about. He's really trying to convince himself that he is as good as he says he is. Because any man who talks about satisfying multiple women is really telling you he's not good enough to satisfy one. So he's got to spread it around so nobody calls him to commitment. When a man says, "I've got ten ladies!" What he's telling you is that he hasn't reached to manhood yet, because anybody can bounce around. It's when you stand steady, and after fifteen, twenty, thirty, fifty years, the wife says, "I'm still satisfied," now you've got a real man. When that one man is constantly nourishing and satisfying her.
If you're not satisfying her, if you're not her joy, then you better take a look at how good you really are.
4- Dwell with her (Live with her)
Husbands are to dwell (live) with their wives. This doesn't mean to just live in the same house. It means an intimate dwelling. Many men have this idea, "I go out, I'm the provider; you're the wife, you stay home. You do your job, I'll do my job." That's where the problem is. The home is your job! The role of the wife is to help the husband, but she is not to replace your role in the home. You are to work in together with her to create a spirit of harmony within. To do that you must be there.
Your wife didn't marry a paycheck, she married you. She didn't marry a car, she married you. She didn't marry a bankroll, she married you. Whenever the outside things that you do for her replace your presence with her, then you are not living with her anymore. Some men are married to their jobs, to their promotions, to their other ways of life, but you are to live with her! You can't just come home and turn on the TV, you have to come home and work with her! Sometimes it means telling her she's the prettiest thing you've ever run into. Or that you couldn't get your mind off of her all day. Sometimes it means drying the dishes while she washes them. Sometimes it means making one side of the bed while she makes the other. Why? because she was not given to you to become your slave, she was given to you to be your help partner.
Every man will testify that a woman is confusing, complex. You think she wants this but she really wants that. To know her might mean to give up some television programs. Men should say, "Honey, I want to listen, you talk. Tell me anything about yourself that I need to know, because when I learn it I'm going to use it to love you better. Teach me, because I don't know you, I don't understand you. I'm not going to watch TV and listen. I'm not going to read the paper and listen. I'll put my eyeball to your eyeball, my mind to your mind, because I'm here to listen, I'm here to learn, I'm here to understand if you'll only communicate with me." Women love to be understood. And many women have said, "My husband doesn't understand me," and she's probably right. But it takes time, you've got to be willing to listen to her.
5- Honor her
You are to treat her like your queen. She is not another woman. It has to do with appreciating her, with treating her as special. Does your wife feel special? Many husbands do for other women what they don't do or wouldn't do for their own wives. We used to do it. They used to open up the car door every single time, now she's looking to get in before the car drives off! When love dies, marriage dies. She is your queen, and you should roll out the red carpet, and pull out the chair, and open the door, and help escort her in.
She must feel special. How do you make her feel special? By your words and actions from the heart. "Sweetheart, I'm real busy right now, I'm right in the middle of something, but you crossed my mind and I just wanted to call and tell you I love you and I can't wait to see you when I get home. I gotta run now, but you're on my mind." She's going to beat you home! Because you just made her feel special. That took 30 seconds to tell her you can't get her off your mind.
You also make her feel special with your gifts. It doesn't have to be a dozen roses, one rose will do. Writing little notes to her. When she's making the bed and underneath the pillow is a note that says, "Knowing that every night I get to sleep next to you. Knowing that I wake up in the sunshine, even if the curtains are closed. I just want to let you know I wouldn't have it any other way." She's special. She's unique. Make breakfast and bring it to her. She doesn't care that you can't cook, only that you cared enough to try. This is honoring her.
If we only do this on anniversaries and such, this is too predictable. When you were dating you didn't only do it on the anniversary, it would pop up here and there. It would keep popping up. She was bombarded with your love. First of all she didn't like you, she didn't think you were handsome. But you said, "I'm going to make you like me." And you bombarded her with notes, gifts, phone calls. In time, she began to say, "Why, he ain't that ugly." And you kept bombarding her, and she began to say, "He's kind of cute." And you kept bombarding her, and she calls up her girlfriend and says, "I'm in love!"
What happened? What happened is that you honored her. But what too many husbands do is stop honoring their wives once they get married. She fends for herself. When was the last date? I'm not talking about the last time you came home and said, "What do you want to do tonight?" That's not a date. A date is, "Hey, I got this thing all planned, all you got to do is come along for the ride. Now, if you want to make some adjustments, that's fine, because I want to please you. But I want you to know I was thinking about you." Now it's not about you coming home, and having nothing to do, and saying, "What do you want to do?" Have the attitude that, "You are not a left over, you are my evening!" She must be honored.
Honoring doesn't mean that you agree with her, it doesn't mean that your decision is going to be the decision she wants you to have, We're not talking about control. Even though I disagree with you, I'll honor you, because you're going to be on my mind all the way. It's where she's significant even when you disagree.
If husbands would treat their wives like thoroughbreds, they wouldn't end up with old nags. Men say, "She's a nag!" But maybe it's because how you're treating her.
The question is not, "Will marriage work?" The question is, "Will you work for marriage?"
