Truestoner's blog: "420 Lounge"

A woman went to her psychiatrist because she was having several problems with her sex life. The psychiatrist asked her many questions but did not seem to be getting a clear picture of her problems. Finally he asked, "Do you ever watch your husband's face while you are having sex?" "Well, yes, I did once." "Well, how did he look?" "Very angry..." At this point the psychiatrist felt he was really getting somewhere and he said, "Well, that's very interesting, we must look into this further. Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your husband's face once during sex; that seems somewhat unusual; how did it occur that you saw his face that time?" "He was looking through the window at me."

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning: "Ohh, I need a bike! Ahh, I need a bike!"

So, one Saturday morning, Johnny wakes up early and goes to his parents room to wake them up. Finding the door closed, he opens it only to find Mom and Dad having wild sex. He realizes he's done something wrong by the way Mom screamed and Dad yelling at him to get out and shut the door. After a few moments, Dad comes out and tries to comfort Johnny since he's crying and obviously upset. "What were you and Mommy doing in there?" Johnny says thru his tears. "Well, son," Dad replies, "we were trying to make you a baby brother." Johnny is just happy as hell with this. He walks around school the next Monday and tells all his friends that he's going to have a baby brother, someone to play with, and all that. Well, later in the week, Dad comes home from work only to find little Johnny sitting on the front porch really crying up a storm. "What's the matter, Johnny?" asks Dad. "Well, remember the baby brother you were trying to make for me?" "Yes..." replies the dad. "Well, when I came home from school today, I saw the postman trying to eat him."

Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6-year-old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the travelling freak show. Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send "his" email to $1000? How stupid are you? "Ooooh, looky-here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Playboy model in the magazine!". What a bunch of bullshit. So basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by the Romans in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity. If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times. I don't care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity. The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose only savior is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda. Right? Now forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise, tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals.

So two potheads have been charged with possession and both plead "no contest." The judge decides to be lenient on them and not give them any time if they spend the next 24 hours reforming evil drug users. (Must have been a first offense.) They return to the courthouse the next day and the judge asks them how many people they've gotten off drugs. The first guy says, "Twenty-four!" "Amazing," says Hizzoner, since that's about 12,000 times better than the statistics. "How'd you do it?" "Simple," says the head. "I just show them: 'O' - This is your brain; 'o' - this is your brain on drugs." "Impressive," says the judge. Turning to the second head, he says, "And how did you fare?" "Yer honor, I saved 233 souls from the bonds of the evil weed." "And how did you manage that?" "Kinda the same as the other guy, 'cept I told people: 'o' - this is your ass hole; 'O' - THIS is your ass hole in prison."