"30 New Sexual Experiences"
Hot Lunch - While receiving head from a woman, (her, on her back, you straddle her chest) you proceed to shit on her chest — just for the hell of it. She then becomes the "Lunch Lady."
The Stranger - Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep and then jerking off, eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else.
Donkey Punch - Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before you cum, sticking your dick in her ass, and then punching her in the back of the head. This should give you a tremendous sensation, but for it to work correctly, the girl must be knocked out so that her asshole tightens up.
Golden Shower - Any form of dropping piss all over a girl.
Pearl Necklace - Whenever you cum on the neck area of a girl — it takes on the look of beautiful jewelry.
Coyote - This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty woman and you know you've got to give her the slip. However, you realize that your arm is wrapped around her. Therefore you must gnaw off you own arm to get out of the situation. Can be very painful.
Purple Mushroom - This occurs when a woman is giving you oral sex and you pull your penis back slightly before poking it back into the inside of her cheek. It should leave a lasting impression similar to that of a purple mushroom.
The Flying Camel - As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees, you carefully balance yourself without using your arms to prop yourself up. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long, shrieking howl, much like you would imagine a flying camel to sound like. Strictly a class move.
Fishhook - A variation of "The Shocker" (an uninvited digit placed in the girl's anus ) in which, with the finger still up there, you "hook" back in the direction the pussy. No real purpose here other than to think to yourself while doing it, "ahhh yes the Fishhook......". Another variation called the "New Jersey Meathook" involves sticking your uninvited digit in the girl's anus while fucking her from behind. You finger is then turned upward toward her back and you pull her entire body toward you over and over while she is sliding on your cock.
The Ram - Again, you're attacking from behind, when you start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy for those lulls in penile sensitivity.
Dog in a Bathtub - This is a proper name for when you attempt to insert your nuts into a girl's ass. It is so named because it can be just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath.
Felching - It occurs after you have been sticking your babe in the can, you bust your nut in there, back up and then pucker your lips up to her rim and suck out your ranch dressing. (This is also the first step of a very advanced maneuver called the Halmstad Hook).
Tossing Salad - One person simply chows box or asshole with the help of whatever condiments are available, i.e. lettuce, tomatoes, croutons, vinegar and oil, etc.
The Bronco - Back to reality with this classic. You start by going doggy style and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab her tits and or a large lock of hair as tight as possible and yell another girl's name or state "Ya know your by far the ugliest girl I ever fucked". This gives you the feeling of riding a bronco as she tries to buck you off.
Pink Glove - This frequently happens during a marathon session (maybe a second round) when a girl is simply not wet enough. When you give up and attempt to pull out to give her money or whatever, the inside of her twat sticks to your hog like the inside of a leather glove. Thus, the pink glove.
The Fountain of You - While sitting on her face and having her eat your ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure as possible before releasing. Then spew like a venerable geyser all over her face, neck and tits. (Better in her bed). This is also a variation of the first stage of a Cleveland Steamer to be described later.
New York Style Taco - (Also known as a "Wet Betsy") - Anytime when you are so drunk that when you go down, you boot on her box. All the fixins.
The Dirty Sanchez - A time honored event in which while laying the bone doggie style, you insert your finger into said woman's asshole, pull it out, and wipe it across her upper lip leaving a thin, shit moustache. This makes her look like someone whose name could be Dirty Sanchez. A very popular European variation of this maneuver called "The Hitler" involves a simple shit smudge under her nose, replicating the look of Hitler's mustache.
The Fish Eye - From behind, you shove your finger in her ass, thereupon she turns around in a one-eyed winking motion to see what the hell you are doing. At that point, you have received a "Fish Eye."
Tuna Melt - Lights out, you're down on a chick lapping away at an unusually juicy slab when you discover that it just happens to be the time of the month. A man of honor, by no means do you stop. When the whale spews, tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry smothers your face (this only work with chicks who REALLY cum hard).
Pole Vault - Originated by ancient Romans. When the female has sucked your pole to the point of ejaculation she swiftly inserts the index finger of her right hand into your anus. This surprise causes a subtle popping out of the eyes, a natural arch to the lower back and extra propulsion necessary to clear the high bar. Bruce Jenner added this to his warm-up routine after losing to Sergie Bubka in the 1976 Olympics.
Furr Ball - You're chomping away at some mighty trollop who has a mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's afro, you don't mind though, that is until a mammoth furr ball gets lodged in your throat and causes you to beat the piss out of her.
The Chili Dog - (Also known as a "Flesh Taco") You take a shit on a girl's tits and then proceed to titty fuck her.
Hot Carl - A simple maneuver where you withdraw your shaft from the bowels of her anus and place it directly into her mouth for a cleaning. Apparently some guy named Carl first tried this.
The Cleveland Steamer - After dumping your load on and around her chest, you position your ass just above your own pool of soup and sit in it, full weight, possibly causing her to gasp for breath. You then pretend to be pulling the whistle cord on a genuine Cleveland steamship as you make the loud noise you side in your spunk from her chest to her bush smearing a spunk trail on her body in your wake. This can be done with the male facing either direction. The more authentic the steam whistle sound you make, the better.
The Halmstad Hook - This is a unique sequence of events named after a town in Sweden, where this apparently happens quite frequently. After dumping your spunk in her rear, the sauce is sucked out of the anus by the male. Once the sauce has transferred from her bowels to your mouth, the product that has been created is now known as "Swedish Cheese." The move is completed when the "Swedish Cheese" is transferred to the ladies mouth via a deep tongue kiss. You can cap this off with a swift stinging slap of her ass to show her how much you care and appreciate all her hard work.
Jelly Donut - When getting head and about to blow your load, pull out and spunk all around her mouth. Then proceed to punch her in the mouth drawing blood. Produces what looks like a jelly donut.
High Dive - While fucking, pull all the way out, close eyes, try to put it back in fast and hard. Be sure to land the dive correctly otherwise you might jackknife.
The Blumpkin - You need to find a real tramp to do this right. It involves having her sucking you off while you are on the shitter.
Rim Job - Another name for tossing salad. Focuses on the use of the tongue.
RATEE
