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1. A horse walked into a bar. Several people got up and left as they spotted the potential danger in the situation.
2. Yo mama so fat she should be concerned because diabetes is a serious problem.
3. How do you confuse a blonde?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her
4. Ask me if I am an orange.
“Are you an orange?”
Nope, I’m a person.
5. A priest, a rabbi, and a Muslim cleric walk into a bar. The cleric having abstained from alcohol due to religious constrictions, does not drink, and his friends decide to do the same. They spend the night laughing and having a good time.
6. Why does Michael J. Fox make the best milkshakes?
He uses the finest ingredients.
7. What do you call a black man on the moon?
An astronaut.
8. What’s red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint.
9. A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a banana martini. The bartender thinks this is a little peculiar and then becomes aware that he is actually dreaming. He wakes up from his dream and begins to tell his wife about the ridiculous dream he had. His wife just ignores him, the man rolls over and begins to sob because he realizes his marriage is in shambles.
10. I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucked. He said,
“Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
11. What did Woody say to Buzz?
A lot. There were three movies.
12. A man walks into a bar.
His alcohol dependency is tearing his family apart.
13. I like my coffee like I like my women.
Without a penis.
14. An owl and a squirrel are sitting in a tree, watching a farmer go by. The owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing, because owls can’t talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because it’s a bird of prey.
15. What’s red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
16. Yo momma’s so ugly that your father no longer finds her attractive, and now their marriage is in trouble.
17. Why didn’t Jesus play hockey?
Because Baseball and Soccer are much more popular sports in Mexico.
18. What’s green and has wheels?
Grass, I lied about the wheels.
19. What do a duck and a bicycle have in common?
They both have handlebars… except for the duck.
20. What do a banana and a helicopter have in common?
Neither of them is a police officer.
21. What do you call a black man who flies a plane?
A pilot.
22. Why isn’t Helen Keller a good driver?
Because she’s dead.
23. Why couldn’t the dinosaur break through the brick wall?
I don’t know. I’m asking you the question.
24. What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
25. Why did the old woman put rainbow roller skates on her walker?
She has dementia.
