Male
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Joined on December 7, 2008
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Relationship status: Single
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Born on January 25th
Hello... I'm I.J. That stands for Innocent Jason. I am kinda new to fubar. I am here to meet new and interesting people and find new friends. I have a special someone in my life, her name is Danielle. She is all I ever wanted in a woman and more, I consider myself a luck man each day I wake, knowing she is mine. I am a carpenter from the sunny state of Florida. I have 42 tattoos and counting... I like loud and aggressive music. Anything else... I guess you will just have to ask me....
I am sharing some of my poetry now... read if u want. It's not mandatory. plus it's copywritten... so I have no fear.
we both have felt sorrow.. so recent, so total
it's taken her smile to bring me from my haze
it seems I've been stumbling around in a circle
it was her... not some cheese, coaxing me thru the maze
my best medicine
I sit here alone and watch my mind crumble
For I alone, can see what is buried inside
I alone feel, all these things that I'm feeling
I alone fight ... all of this chaos I hide
how many times to hear " things will get better"
right before everything just takes a shit?
how many times will I smile thru all the feelings?
as I sit here and fret 'how much worse can this get?'
The only thing that’s making me smile, is my Dani
it seems she's the beacon of light in my life
sometimes in the calmness, I catch myself dreaming
and I dream of the days that I make her my wife
and during these times, I can feel almost normal
it seems like her love ... it has saved me again
you would never imagine all the pills I have taken
and my Danielle's love ... it’s my best medicine...
Echo
the hand of night, it covers my sun
calmed by the darkness, i sit here alone
realizing how empty my life is without you
and feeling the chill of it right to the bone.
sometimes it gets so bad, i almost can't stand it
how lost now my life is, cause i love you so
tears blur my vision, thankful for darkness
as i re-live that last fight...why i had to let go
but now alone in the darkness, i so miss your softness
the warmth of your body, the smile on your face
forgetting, for now, all those hard roads we traveled
and remembering a love i could never replace
those thoughts, just an echo, i feel deep within me
like drugs to an addict, my heart just wants more
needing to hold you, to feel you beside me
i miss you now more than i've ever before...
The Pieces
started once again from sleep
to wonder why I am forsaken
I can not get an ounce of peace
I feel like my whole world’s been shaken
I only know how my heart works
what my heart wants, how my heart feels
i sit here with my chest on fire
my head confused, what’s right... what’s real?
how hard is it to love me back?
a crazy mind with a lovers heart
does destiny see me living life, lonely?
how many times will my world fall apart?
the questions spinning thru my mind…
like crumbs that you find in the creases
Am I brave enough to try again?
As I start again, to pick up the pieces
Male
·
Joined on December 7, 2008
·
Relationship status: Single
·
Born on January 25th
Interests
Wishing
the man behind my lids again
the whispered voice that haunts my ear
trying to take control away
the emptiness, the chill of fear
the push and pull inside my head
cause i am good, but he is not
it seems we battle constantly
taking all the will i've got
i try to smile despite the pain
it makes things worse if i give in
why is it he won't go away
and take this want, this need to sin
how will i live a normal life
when i can't control the way i feel
now so depressed i cannot think
wishing, all of this wasn't real
The ME
the sadness apon me... my temples are throbbing
all the loudness of nothing, how it's crushing me down
and then thru the stillness.. I begin to hear whispers
And I can't block it out... such a god-awful sound
something has happened and everything's different
something is missing... has it been all along?
just when i thought that it couldn't get better
everything changed... now my everything's wrong
this is the me that writes, when I'm not smiling
this is the me that stays.... hidden within
the me that I call on.. when I just can not take it
the me that stands up when I've fallen again...
My Luck
i sit here alone ...i hurt here alone
your voice is only a phone call away
I'm kind of surprised, i'm sitting here typing
silently angered that i woke up today
the dreams , getting worse, have now followed me conscious
man, i am so glad no one sees in my head
the bodies, the burning, the evil clowns laughing
the blood-crusted fingers … the smell of the dead
I know that a sure thing is 10 ft behind me
i know, in my head...that it's violent and quick
but i've heard from the stories, the first one’s to find you
are mentally scared by the mis-handled sick
what stops me is thinking, that momma will find me
her little boy gone now...replaced by a mess
i imagine her falling, her legs will not hold her
and her heart giving out, from the weight of the stress
so do i keep breathing... or living or hoping
please tell me the safe word that stops all the pain
one day, might not care... and just pull that trigger
my luck, I will miss...lose an ear, not my brain...
why am i here?
my heart feels so troubled
why am i here?
is it to love
or is it to fear?
to love is so beautiful
but it scares me so much
i wait for the pain
as i wait for your touch
i've heard all the lies
and i'll hear them again
thats why i'm fearing, inside
i'll be hurt in the end
should i be brave
and let my heart go?
could i trust you enough
to let the love show?
and if i gave in
would you give too?
is it really safe for me
to fall in love with you?
am i to love
or am i to fear?
Please God, what’s the answer?
why am i here?
Movies
Falling...
falling faster, out of control
my twisted reality, the loss of my mind
along the way, I've lost my reason
now I'm desperately searching for what i can't find
the need to hurt others, makes my hands tremble
the thought of their screaming, give me a chill
the fear in their eyes looking up at me pleading
as i'm crushing their bodies and breaking their will
like the tides in the ocean, i feel my mind churning
my sanity, grown weak now, takes a step back
paving the way for the evil inside me
to press it's way forward to start it's attack
it makes the dreams come and god how they scare me
the bodies broken open...blood fills this place
as the demon takes over, i again raise the hatchet
with a start I awaken...but with a smile on my face
A Belated Goodbye
Watching my love, hurt’s me so bad
It made me see something I’d missed
How I never stopped to say goodbye
A fact that has me almost pissed
it only took me almost 2 damn years
to finally try and say goodbye
to tell you how my life has fallen
since the days I had to watch you die
you were my father and my best friend
you were my boss, me... your right hand
oh god the times we almost starved
now looking back... I understand
you tried so hard to keep control
molded me into the man that I am
a hero's love , thru all your faults
you taught me to not give a damn
Oh god pop, my heart hurts so bad
you were such a big damn part of me
I got your smile, your hair, your eyes
and I 'm bout as crazy as a man can be
how many times I 've stopped my hand
as it's reaching for the phone again
as if by luck... just one more talk
tho I don't know where I'd begin
we thought you had it all worked out
and everything would be just fine
not two days after your last breath
gone were the lists you said you'd sign
god damn it pop... she took it all
for all that work and all those tears
it seems now, we don't have anything
except memories from all those years
I tried to give you half my liver
it broke my heart to hear your" no"
so instead I got to watch you die
my tough old man, you died so slow
so now I've got my box of ashes
a chunky bracelet and a broken soul
the crushing knowledge, that you're gone forever
where I kept my heart, there’s now a hole...
I miss you so much...
Idols
The Buzz
I feel the meds are kicking in
the little buzz, the far off stare
the room is filled with mumbling
from many things that are not there
my fingers numb, the ears are ringing
the vision blured, my mouth gone dry
I'm losing track of everything
it makes you stop and wonder why
imprisioned in these walls of flesh
deep inside my mind is breaking
blown in the wind like tattered strings
fueled by the buzz, somethings awaking...
The Man in the Mirror
given the chance, the evil consumes me
i lash out at nothing, awake now i'm shaking
as long as the lights on or i can hear talking
i feel like my minds not just his for the taking
i hate how the demon's distort my perseptions
and make all my dark thoughts feel kinda right
i spend all my days in a drug induced prison
silently fearing the comming of night
cause the dark brings the demons..the ones i'm afraid of
they make my mind rancid, all the death in my head
i'm deafned by shreiking as they cry out their furies
i plug my ears humming... alone in my bed
i try to make sense of this life that i'm living
i try not to give up, to take that last breath
i'm just so damn tired, my need to live failing
i long for a pistol...i long for my death
now deep in depression, i feel my mind freezing
the whispered voice echos,"it's time to be free."
evil thoughts pushing their way to the surface
now the man in the mirror... is no longer me...
MyHotComments
i love you