I was born a poor black child...oh wait, that's from the movie "The Jerk"...my mistake.

My life so far...

I was born the 8th of 11 children to Monty & Wanda Schwartz. He was a lawyer & one of the first Jewish professional Frisbee Golf players. She was a homemaker well known in the sewing circles of Southern California.

Naturally I do not remember my own birth, but I was told that it was during my first days in this life that I developed my unnatural fear of clowns. I still have not been able to get over this phobia.

I remained nameless for the first three years of my life. I do remember referring to myself as "Superdude", but I don't know if this is what everyone else called me. Things changed during a chance encounter in an elevator with L.A. television weatherman Dr. George Fischbeck. He suggested to my mother that I be named Greg, as he always secretly wanted a grandson with that name.

My early childhood was full of the usual ups and downs of young actors. The highlight of course was playing "Alan" in the first season of "Punky Brewster". However, I was written off the show after an argument with the producers about the deli trays we had to share with the crew. Auditions were numerous after the show, but I was forever typecast in my previous roll. Other than a commercial for Sea World (Boy #4), gigs started to run dry. Things could of been much worse if it wasn't for the help I received from the teachings of Leo Buscaglia.

Soon after the arrival of Wayne Gretzky with the L.A. Kings, I wanted to become a hockey player. Naturally, there were numerous challenges. First off, it was rare for a Southern Californian to play hockey, along with the fact I didn't know how to skate. So it was decided that I would become a goalie. I improved over the years, and was lucky enough to be drafted by the Red Deer Rebels of the Western Hockey League. However, this career path was cut short after an incident inside an unnamed exhibit in the Greater Vancouver Zoo. Court orders prevent me to go into more details, but the resulting knee injuries prevented my return to the ice.

After bumming around India for a year or so, I was yearning for something more meaningful in life. I was fortunate enough to have a brief friendship with Cher after returning to California, but I insist that this was not a sexual relationship. It was at her Malibu home when I came to the realization that there was not enough accountants in this world. After hearing her tell me to "Go for it, Tyler" (I lied to her about my name), I decided to give it a try. Soon I settled into the boring & anonymous life of working in a sea of 6x6 cubicles. It is there where I've plotted my revenge on Hollywood for the way I was treated in the past....hehehe soon it will be all mine!!!

Anyways...sarcasm time is over...on to the real stuff...

Point whores go away...I won't help you
Bling beggars go away...I won't buy shit for you
Man bashers go away....I plain don't like you
Violation of any of these rules might get you blocked....It's what I do baby!!

Honestly, IDGAF about putting on a show for you all...no fake "Look at me & all the cool things I am & do" bullshit internet persona...I'm on here for a few friends who I always rate & talk to & stuff...one in particular ;-)...and I can't be bothered with trying to impress people I don't really know...sorry if I come off sounding like an asshole...but I am lol...and proud of it too