About me:Well, my picture's up so you know what I look like. Who I'd like to meet:I'm on here to meet friends, and possibly that special someone, BUT not here to see your wee-wee on cam or help you out. This isn't the CRISIS center! Call 1-800-GET-HELP O.K., so, here's what I need. You must meet the following qualifications to contact me. PART A 1. You must be a born female, (I'll need to see a a birth certificate) no she-males please (except on Saturdays)2. You must know what to wear to a formal reception. 3. You must be able to urinate outside in an emergency situation 4. All your parts need to be in good working order. Women with replacement parts or reconditioned parts are OK. 5. I can't accept fat ankles. You know, like Hillary Clinton has. 6. You must own at least 6 pairs of high heel shoes. 7. Your height must be in proportion to your weight, using the standard AMA guidelines. 8. You must live within 100 miles of Houston, Texas 9. You must have a photo 10. You must be a non-smoker If you meet the above requirements then continue, if not, then you are now dismissed, but thank you for applying to be Douglas' Girlfriend. Now give yourself 2 points for each of the following criteria you meet. PART B 1. You're a certified German car mechanic2. You know what to do in bed (because I have trained too many women.) 3. YOU CAN BARK LIKE A BIG DOG. 4. You are not a fundamental Muslim, or a a religious fanatical fundamental anything 5. You speak a foreign language 6. You have a college degree (if you're working on one, you get the points) 7. You have two or less children 8. You have a great ass 9. You know how to change a tire on a car(that could include, knowing how to look cute and helpless so some idiot stops to help you) 10. You can bake 11. You like dogs 12. You can dance without looking retarded 13. You don't do "illegal" drugs 14. You have no more than three tats. (Thatýs tats, not tits; you'll need two of those) 15. You like sushi (but you never smell like sushi) 16. You have a great sense of humor 17. You are not originally from France-or French Canada 18. You are flexible (that will be important later, as our relationship progresses) 19. You are well-traveled 20. You know who the President was during the Civil War. If you have a score of 30+ then please contact me immediately. If you scored between 20-30 pts, you can contact me, but I donýt have a lot of hope for our future relationship, --unless you meet the criteria to .. 8. Actually, if you meet the number 8 criteria, then just forget everything else and contact me. If you did not score high enough, then please do not contact me, but if at some time in the future you are able to improve yourself and meet the minimum requirements, then you may reapply. Douglas is an equal opportunity employer.