Always eat up all the food on your plate,Don't let your clock go slow, or you will be late.Never tell your children french letters are no good,AND REMEMBER -- Never tell anyone a joke you don't understandbecause the punchline could be rude.Always tell your mother you've put clean undies on,Don't talk about anyone until you're sure they've gone.Never sell a friend a car that will not work,AND REMEMBER -- Never show the film 'Midnight Express' toanyone who just happens to be a Turk.Always get up in the morning and go out for a run,Don't ever use bad language in the company of a nun.Never offer anyone the use of a dirty hankerchief,AND REMEMBER -- If you ever meet anyone with mad cow diseasedon't ever offer them any beef.Always put the cap back on the toothpaste tube,Don't ever in the company of women call their tit a boob.NEVER tell your father-in-law his daughter's no good in bed,AND REMEMBER -- If you hate eating the meat of living animalsmake sure that the buggers are dead.Always take you mutt out when he's standing with crossed legs,don't ever finish a bottle of wine, always leave some dregs.Never tell a horse NO, always tell it NEIGH,AND REMEMBER -- A dog is not just for Christmas, you can haveit on sandwiches on boxing day!!