"The Origin of Cut Throat King 13"

Our story begins “A long time ago, in a galaxy far…†Blah, blah, blah… on the distant alien world overrun by monsters known as “Planet Thirteenâ€. His parents, the fearsome, murderous, space pirate Captain Fragenstein and wife striper/scientist Foxy-DeVille become aware of Planet Thirteen’s impending destruction and they begin constructing a spacecraft that would carry their son Dan-El to Earth. During Planet Thirteen's last moments, Fragenstein places young Dan-El in the spacecraft and launches it. Fragenstein and Foxy-Deville die as the spacecraft barely escapes Planet Thirteen's fate. The explosion transforms planetary debris into Fragenite, a radioactive substance that is lethal to Planet Thirtonians. Most commonly found as the active ingredient in Play-doh and Diet Pepsi.

The spacecraft would come to crash land in the rural United State’s East Coast, where it was found by passing motorists, stopping for gasoline and fried chicken. The couple, who were local pumpkin farmers adopt Dan-El and name him Daniel. As the child grows up on Earth, he and his adoptive parents discover that he has superhuman powers. Mom and Pops, as they are often called teach Danny to use these powers responsibly to help others and other shit. Danny keeps his powers secret in order to protect his family and friends, who might be endangered by his criminal enemies. He would come to choose the name farthest away from his own so no one would ever be able to trace it back to him... and "Cut Throat King 13" was born.

In order to use his powers to help humanity, the bald, paraplegic, mutant, sorcerer known as Doctor Hex contacts his family with an invitation to his school for special youngsters extended to young Danny. After finally convincing his father that it really honestly wouldn’t cost him anything, no really…yes we mean that… no they’re not going to pay you for him to attend either. Danny was sent. It was here Danny made friends with fellow freak…er Super Powered Special Personsâ€. In an unfortunate, sudden and tragic but inevitable turn of events an accident occurred at school as Danny caused the school to burn to the ground not once, not twice, not three, but a total of nine times during random science projects, two math classes and a lunch time. Which was made even more frightening by the fact none of Danny’s powers revolved around any fire-based abilities even in the slightest, or any other students for that fact.

Saying his good bye’s Danny was drummed out Doctor Hex’s School; then moves back to his home town. For some extra cash Danny volunteers his services at the lab of Dr. B.S Shivers, as a janitor at night. Accidentally one night while cleaning up the lab, Danny was bitten by a radioactive spider… it hurt like shit; but nothing came of. Though while trying to step on the spider that some say was destined to bite him Danny knocked over some chemicals and the lab exploded exposing Danny to various degrees of gamma radiation, and while some other poor shmuck turned green and lost his marbles Danny remained ok… out of work but ok none the less.

Chalking up yet another milestone in his life Danny traveled back home in search of answers only to discover his true history and the reality of the eventful day the family found him. While behind the family homestead he began to dig up the remains of the ship that had brought him to Earth. This was of course after he accidently dug up two of the family pets, a gas line, and the houses septic tank because nothing was marked for shiot on his map. As he was unearthing the black vessel something strange happen and a large hammer fell from the sky. The hammer crashed into the Earth causing a massive crater in which Danny found himself next to it. Reading the inscription scribed into the hammer… "Whosoever holds this hammer, if he be worthy, shall possess the power of…†And he need not read anymore, Danny picked up the hammer and followed the surprisingly easy to read step by step instruction written on the side. The sky grew dark and with it lightning began to race across the sky as thunder rang from the heavens. Thinking he had broke it Danny ditched the hammer in a near by man-hole but not before a bolt of lightning tore loose from the sky above striking Danny and a near by stray dog at the same time, imposing all of Danny’s own gifts and abilities onto the dog as well.

Naming the dog “Otis†Danny took him in, and together along with others the super powered team known as “The League of Guys Who Could Give a Shitâ€. The team was short lived as Danny and Otis left on their own adventures. Now finding there now home they find themselves in the bayous of Louisiana fighting the endless hordes of zombies, voodoo fueled bad guys, red neck warlords, mutant crawfish and man eating armadillos; with slap stick like fighting styles and even worse one liners. He is our only hope, perhaps the greatest force known to man… our savior… “We’re So Fucked…â€

I'm never what you're expecting me to be. I'm just your every day poetic, charismatic, twisted, tattooed, southern, voodoo'ed up, chainsaw massacre trucker after midnight looking, waffle house haunting, pick up truck driving, white trash, hot rod loven, comic book reading, grease monkey, night owl, moonshine runnen, rum drinken, howlen at the moon, cottonmouth pyschobilly horror show, grave diggen, white out eyed, biker, Viking, berserker, hand of doom, slaughter house styled, pirate, metal head, fantasy scifi-geek, with reality's brain stem in a sleeper hold.