Jamaican born...so impress me if you can...really!

I may scare you...but that may be an issue only you have to deal with...I have been asked to tell about me, I choose to share some of thoughts with you; the rest you may piece together if you choose to step into my mind's ring:

“…..the things we don't know personally always seem to startle us at first when we meet upon it, even if that is what we may have secretly hoped for all along...” Oct 2, 2007

Aight...so I gadda make a few moves soon...do I go back home to the welcoming arms of my land of Smernoff's and weed? Do I reclaim the life I have so recently embraced with such vigor or do I stay and see what new ideas lay in this land of misery, deceit, and all the fuck one could possibly want? Thing is, I want what I had without compromise...is that possible? Those who see me, what do they really see; those that claim to know me, what do they really think that they know? Will my heart ever really be whole? Bob yearns for something tight and wet, he is the beast of my loins but not the guide of my soul...he can only respond in kind but the passion of Anon only surfaces to ravage and pleasure when he has been truly touched, truly aroused, truly connected!
Can I really have that again? Can I find that; do I want to find that? Shadows play games in my reality but none have truth or substance...what does that mean to my troubled sphere? Am I become the one I have always berated? Am I to be as those I loathe simply because my heart has grown vacant and with it my interest in all things seen or unseen? Have I finally fallen to the depths to which the black nemeisis of my youth's dreams have persistently evaded? Has it finally caught up with me?
Change is inevitable, that is certain; to what end, that remains to be seen.
The begining of the end is reached long before the journeyer has begun to pack his bags - some call it fate, others destiny, few whisper curse...choice.....


...I have a wonderful ability; today you are close to me, tomorrow it can be as if it never was. When I feel to be alone, I do not really think about or feel badly if someone else is affected by that. I do not care to stand out at work and do not work towards that, I simply do as I see fit at the time. I am not affected by expectations neither am I threatened by them. I have fought for so long to fit into what was expected that subconsciously I buried my intense hatred of my very own hypocrisy. It was never that I had a problem fitting in, the chameleon in me has guided me so far but not without peril. My turmoil surfaces from one salient pact I have always kept dear: to thine own self be true.

I have not been true.

Grandeur, substance, morality, respectability, honesty, a soul; these are the delusions of a man trying to be human.

Normal.

...for that is exactly what I am not.